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Home of the Braves
This is a comedy about a blacklisted Hollywood directortrying to film her first family TV show on an extremelysmall budget. Starring: Kimberly Coburn - as Kayla Brave. Kenneth Byrd - as Raydell Brave. Djarese Blevins - as Troy Brave. Mary Jenkins - as Davonna Brave. Amir Byrd - as Tarrin Brave. Teresa Suarez Grosso - Felicia - the Director. Anthony De La Cruz - Greco, the Cinematographer. SOUND FX & SAMPLES PROVIDED BY: * FREE SOUND.ORG * PRO MUSIC PACK.COM * LOOPERMAN.COM * GLITCHMACHINES.COM * SOUND EFFECT PACK.COM * LOOPMASTERS.COM * ZAPSPLAT.COM. MUSIC PROVIDED BY: * PROMUSICPACK.COM * LOOPERMAN.COM. Our Website is: https://www.skitz-o-phonics.com/
Home of the Braves
Fat Chance (S1 E8)
Kayla wants to cut meat from their diet, Raydell is not happy with this idea.
Cast:
- Kim Coburn (Kayla Brave)
- Kenneth Byrd (Raydell Brave)
- Mary Jenkins (Davonna Brave)
- Djarese Blevins (Troy Brave)
- Amir Byrd (Tarin Brave)
- Teresa Suárez Grosso (Felicia De La Puente)
- Anthony De La Cruz (Grecko)
- Franquee Mayhee (Nadine)
- Blue Moody (Barry)
- Troy Garrison (Vito Tang)
- Kim Sellers (Heidi)
This is the post roll (outro) for each episode.
Be sure to check out our website at https://www.skitz-o-phonics.com/homeofthebraves, which includes pics and credits, plus more entertaining content!
(R.I.P. Ken)
FELICIA
Alright Greco, light it up!
GRECO
Home of the Braves. "Fat chance."
SFX: CLAP BOARD
FELICIA
And... action.
THEME MUSIC PLAYS
-----------------------------------------------------------
FADE IN:
INT. RAYDELL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (DAY 1)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA)
KAYLA IS SITTING IN BED READING A BOOK. RAYDELL ENTERS FROM
THE BATHROOM.
RAYDELL
Hey, you're not asleep yet?
KAYLA
No, I'm still reading.
RAYDELL
You've had your nose in that book
all night. What is that?
KAYLA
"Fifty ways to kill cholesterol."
It's a health book.
RAYDELL
I've read that one. The chef did
it.
RAYDELL CLIMES INTO BED.
KAYLA
This book lists all the benefits
of eating healthy. When you eat
right, you feel right. You have
more energy.
RAYDELL
Okay, I see where your going with
this. So what do you want me to
do, drink more water or something?
Eight glasses a week right?
KAYLA
That's eight glasses a day,
Raydell.
RAYDELL
No way. If I did that I wouldn't
have room for beer.
KAYLA
Alcohol is definitely no good,
neither is beef. I think we both
should take our eating habits more
seriously. Especially you.
RAYDELL
What do you mean, especially me?
KAYLA
You have to admit, you're more
than a little pudgy.
RAYDELL
You're an ex semi-pro body
builder, so everybody's a little
pudgy to you.
KAYLA
Did you know that heart disease is
the number one health problem in
this country? Meat is the primary
cause.
RAYDELL
Wait a minute now, Kayla. I can
take your body-shaming me, but
don't you dare go blaming meat.
That, I will not tolerate.
KAYLA
It's in the book. Listen to this.
(reading)
"Not only is meat difficult to
digest, but meat often contain
dangerous amounts of toxins."
(not reading)
See. Every time we eat this stuff
we're killing ourselves.
RAYDELL
I'm okay with that. I like being
in control of my own fate.
KAYLA
Every piece of meat we eat takes a
day off our lives. So for now on
I'm going to make nice healthy
meals for us.
RAYDELL GRITS HIS TEETH, TRYING TO HIDE HIS ANGER.
RAYDELL
I just think you had a bad day and
now you're taking it out on me.
I'm not the enemy, Kayla. But if
you want to make it up to me, you
can give me a nice back massage
and we'll forget this conversation
ever happened.
KAYLA JUST LOOKS AT HIM.
RAYDELL (cont'd)
Or, I can just shut my big
handsome eyes and go to sleep.
INT. BRAVE'S KITCHEN - MORNING (DAY 2)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA)
KAYLA
Morning, Ray. How'd you sleep?
RAYDELL
Not good. I had this horrible
dream where we stopped eating
meat. We grew long rabbit-like
ears, and our front teeth were way
out here.
RAYDELL MIMES BUCK TEETH.
KAYLA
Come on Ray, you have to admit,
PATTING HIS BELLY
KAYLA (cont'd)
We do need to change our eating
habits.
RAYDELL
Alright, so I'm a little hefty.
What do you want me to do, build a
greenhouse?
KAYLA
No, but I think we need to take
meat completely out of our diet.
RAYDELL
Woe, wait a minute. What do you
mean completely? I mean I could
go into shock if I don't get a
burger with my fries.
KAYLA
Stop worrying, you'll thank me
later.
RAYDELL
I seriously don't think so.
KAYLA
This book has recipes for all
kinds of wonderful dishes, you
won't be a flesh-eater for long.
RAYDELL
Flesh-eater? Now you're sounding
like one of those crazy
vegetarians. Hey, why don't we
just join a gym? We'll be in shape
in no time.
KAYLA
That's a great idea, Ray.
RAYDELL
There's a brand new one that just
opened near the office. I'll go
look up the phone number now.
RAYDELL HEADS FOR THE PHONE BOOK.
KAYLA
You do know what a work-out is,
don't you, Ray?
RAYDELL
What kind of question is that? Of
course I know what a work-out is.
We soak in the sauna and hang out
in the Jacuzzi.
KAYLA
What about weights? Aerobics? Kick
boxing?
RAYDELL
(unconvincing)
Yeah, sure, of course. I love that
stuff.
KAYLA
You're not fooling me, Raydell. I
remember the last time we joined a
gym, you fell asleep in the locker
room.
RAYDELL
That was a long time ago. I'm
different now.
KAYLA
Yes, you're bigger now. A lot
bigger.
RAYDELL
That's why I'll be even more
committed this time around.
KAYLA
Okay, we can try the gym again,
but we still need to change our
diet.
RAYDELL
(throws book
down)
Come on Kayla, stop playing
around. This is all some kind of
sick joke your playing on me,
right?
KAYLA
I'm not joking. What's more
important than our health?
RAYDELL
Come on, we're still alive, we
must be doing something right.
What do you say we burn that book
and just stick with our regular
sinful diet?
KAYLA
That book was a present, I'm not
throwing it away.
RAYDELL
A present from who? Who would give
someone a present like this?
KAYLA
I got it from Vito.
RAYDELL
That little homewrecker.
INT. VITO'S LIVING ROOM - AFTERNOON (DAY 2)
(RAYDELL, VITO, HEIDI)
VITO IS ON THE SOFA TRYING TO GET ROMANTIC WITH HIS DATE,
HEIDI. A VERY THIN, HOMELY-LOOKING WOMAN DRESSED IN SOME
HIPPY-TYPE CLOTHING. THEY ATTEMPT TO KISS.
HEIDI
I really like you Vito.
VITO
I really like you too. Is it
alright if I kiss you?
HEIDI
Sure.
SFX: DOORBELL
VITO
Just ignore it, they'll go away.
THEY ATTEMPT TO KISS AGAIN.
SFX: DOORBELL
HEIDI
Maybe you'd better get it. It
might be important.
VITO
More important than this?
(beat)
Alright alright. I'll get it.
(to himself)
This building better be on fire.
HEIDI
You mind if I use your little
girl's room so I can freshen up?
VITO
If you were any fresher you'd be a
baby.
THEY BOTH GIVE A GOOFY LAUGH.
HEIDI
Oh Vito, you're the cutest.
VITO
I know.
HEIDI HEADS TO THE BATHROOM. VITO OPENS HIS FRONT DOOR.
IT'S RAYDELL.
VITO (cont'd)
Hey Raydell. What's up? I'm kind
of busy, if you know what I mean.
RAYDELL
What are you trying to do?
VITO
Score, if you know what I mean.
RAYDELL LOOKS OVER VITO'S SHOULDER.
RAYDELL
Let me give you a hint, you need a
partner, if you know what I mean.
VITO
She's in the bathroom. She'll be
out any minute so I'll talk to you
tomorrow, okay?
VITO TRIES TO CLOSE THE DOOR.
RAYDELL
First you try to ruin my marriage
and now you're trying to smash my
foot in the door?
VITO
What are you talking about, ruin
your marriage? What did I do?
RAYDELL
You know what I'm talking about.
That book you bought for Kayla.
VITO
What book?
RAYDELL
That crazy, evil, meat-hater's
handbook.
VITO
Oh, you mean Fifty ways to kill
cholesterol. That book's on the
best-sellers list.
RAYDELL
That's exactly where it belongs,
in the cellar. That book is not
for people like you and me, it's
for tree-hugging cud-chewing
hippies.
HEIDI ENTERS FROM THE BATHROOM.
HEIDI
Hello.
VITO
This is Heidi. Heidi, this is my
neighbor and friend, Raydell.
RAYDELL
Hello hippie-- I mean Heidi.
HEIDI
Greetings.
RAYDELL LOOKS AT HER STRANGELY.
VITO
(explaining)
She's a vegetarian.
RAYDELL
(sarcasm)
Get out of here.
(to Heidi)
So what are you doing hanging out
with this carnivore?
HEIDI
What?!
(to Vito)
What is he talking about? You told
me--
VITO
(nervously)
I am not a meat eater. I'm not. I
used to be, but not anymore. Those
days are behind me. Just hearing
that word, "meat" makes me
nauseous.
RAYDELL
Nauseous, huh? You didn't say that
when you were chomping down on
that rump roast the other day.
HEIDI
What?!
VITO
Pay him no mind, he's a very heavy
drinker. He just came over to
borrow some more liquor money.
VITO DIGS INTO HIS POCKET AND HANDS RAYDELL A FEW DOLLARS.
VITO (cont'd)
Here's five dollars. But this is
the last time. Now be on your way.
(pushing Ray out
the door)
And get a job!
VITO CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND RAYDELL.
INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING (DAY 3)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA)
RAYDELL ENTERS HOME FROM WORK.
RAYDELL
Hey honey, I'm home!
KAYLA
I'm in the kitchen!
RAYDELL ENTERS THE KITCHEN. KAYLA IS COOKING DINNER. HIS
MOTHER-IN-LAW, NADINE, IS SITTING AT THE TABLE.
RAYDELL
Oh, hey Nadine.
NADINE
Hey Ray. How was work?
RAYDELL
Not bad if you don't count the guy
that got sick near the plotter.
Pizza everywhere.
NADINE
(sarcasm)
Printing is a tough business.
RAYDELL
You know it's temporary until I
get my acting career off the
ground, right?
NADINE
Yes Ray. I know.
KAYLA
Hey, I'm trying out one of these
new dinner recipes from my book.
RAYDELL
Tonight? I thought you meant in
the future, you know, like a new
years resolution.
KAYLA
Just relax, you'll enjoy it.
NADINE
Don't worry, she tricked me too.
SFX: DOORBELL
KAYLA
Oh yeah, I invited Vito, he's
bringing a date.
RAYDELL
(sarcasm)
Vito? What'd you invite him for?
KAYLA
He's our friend. Besides, he's the
one who gave me the book. I want
him to reap his reward.
SFX: DOORBELL
KAYLA (cont'd)
Answer the door, would you?
RAYDELL GOES AND OPENS THE FRONT DOOR.
HEIDI
Greetings Raydell.
VITO
Hey Raydell. I hope you're not
still--
RAYDELL
Just go sit down in the dining
room. I'm going to go wash my
hands. Be right back.
INT. BRAVES' DINING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
RAYDELL, VITO AND HEIDI ENTER.
VITO
Hey Kayla. Thanks for inviting us
over for dinner. This is my date,
Heidi.
KAYLA
Hey Heidi.
HEIDI
Greetings, Mrs. Braves.
KAYLA
Just call me Kayla.
HEIDI
Okay, greetings, Kayla.
KAYLA
This is my mother, Nadine.
HEIDI
Greetings Nadine.
NADINE
Hello Heidi.
RAYDELL
Well let's get this over with.
VITO
Smells good, like chicken.
(looks at Heidi)
ahhh... not that I ever would
consume that fowl-tasting bird.
(to Kayla)
No offense.
KAYLA
Don't worry, there's no chicken
tonight.
HEIDI
Oh good. I guess I can put these
carrots away.
HEIDI PUTS HER RAW CARROTS BACK INTO HER PURSE.
RAYDELL
Kayla read this vegetarian book on
how to eat healthy, and for some
crazy reason, meat is not on the
menu.
HEIDI
Which book was that?
KAYLA
Fifty Ways to Kill Cholesterol.
HEIDI
By Doctor J. L. Watkins?
KAYLA
That's right. You read it?
HEIDI
Yes, I bought Vito that same book.
KAYLA
Well, Vito was the one who--
VITO IS MOTIONING TO KAYLA NOT TO SAY ANYTHING.
KAYLA (cont'd)
...told me that it was such a good
book, so I rushed out and bought
one for myself.
HEIDI
Aw, that was sweet. That's why I
call him Sweetie Pooks.
VITO
That's her cute little pet-name
for me.
RAYDELL
(sarcasm)
That's more than cute, it's
downright adorable.
HEIDI
(to Ray)
I also have an excellent book on
alcohol abuse, if you're
interested.
KAYLA
Alcohol abuse?
RAYDELL
Just a little joke we've been
going back and forth with.
NADINE
Can we eat now?
KAYLA
Alright. Everybody pass the food
around in a clock-wise fashion.
KAYLA HANDS THE DISH TO HEIDI.
HEIDI
Ummm. Garden Goulash, my favorite.
HEIDI SERVES HERSELF THEN HANDS THE DISH TO VITO.
VITO
(unconvincing)
...Mine too.
VITO DISHES OUT A VERY SMALL PORTION THEN HANDS THE DISH TO
RAYDELL.
HEIDI
I thought you said this was your
favorite?
VITO
It is.
RAYDELL
Well how dare you insult my wife.
Pile some more on your plate.
VITO
I'd hate to be a pig and eat too
much.
RAYDELL
Don't be shy with us, Sweetie
Pooks. Here you go.
RAYDELL DISHES MORE GOULASH ONTO VITO'S PLATE.
RAYDELL (cont'd)
Eat as much as you like. Kayla
made a bunch of this stuff.
RAYDELL SERVES HIMSELF THEN HANDS THE DISH TO NADINE.
NADINE TAKES A GOOD LONG LOOK AT THE FOOD, EVEN SNIFFS IT.
KAYLA
(to Nadine)
It's okay, momma. You don't have
to eat it if you don't want to.
It's my fault. I should have told
you it was going to be a
vegetarian dinner before you got
here.
NADINE
I'll try it, just don't rush me.
KAYLA
Well, you've been "starffling at
it for the last five minutes.
NADINE
Staffling? What's that?
KAYLA
Staring and sniffing.
NADINE
I'm sorry, but this is kind of
weird, a meal with no meat?
Exactly what am I'm eating here?
KAYLA
It's a combination of noodles,
cabbage...
HEIDI
(happily
finishing)
...Carrots and herbs.
NADINE
That doesn't ease the pain one
bit.
NADINE SERVES HERSELF AND TAKES A BITE.
NADINE (cont'd)
Hey, it's not bad.
KAYLA SMILES.
RAYDELL
Really?
NADINE
Yes. As a matter of fact it's
pretty good.
KAYLA
Thanks Momma. See, you never know
until you try it.
RAYDELL FINALLY TAKES A BITE OF HIS FOOD, IT'S OBVIOUS HE
DOESN'T LIKE IT.
VITO
Do you have any bread to go with
this?
KAYLA
It's in there.
VITO
In where?
HEIDI
In the Goulash.
VITO TAKES ANOTHER BITE.
VITO
Ah, now I taste it.
RAYDELL
Whoops. Dropped my fork.
RAYDELL REACHES DOWN TO PICK UP THE FORK AS KAYLA SERVES
HERSELF.
NADINE
Can you pass me some more of that
Garden stuff?
KAYLA PASSES THE DISH TO NADINE. RICHARD DISHES OUT A LARGE
PORTION OF THE FOOD. KAYLA SMILES WITH PRIDE.
HEIDI
That's funny, I think I smell
chicken.
VITO
Me too and it's making me
nauseous.
RAYDELL RAISES UP FROM GETTING HIS FORK OFF THE FLOOR.
RAYDELL
Found my fork, but I don't smell
any chicken.
NADINE
Probably coming from next door.
KAYLA
I'm just glad everyone is enjoying
themselves. Why don't you guys all
come over next week. I'm going to
cook Salmon Surprise. It's a
pescetarian dish.
VITO
But I'm Baptist.
HEIDI
Pescetarian means fish is the only
meat used in the meal.
RAYDELL
Yeah Vito, you didn't know that?
KAYLA
Well everybody eat up. I made
plenty.
RAYDELL
Whoops. Dropped my fork again.
Man, I'm all thumbs tonight.
RAYDELL BENDS DOWN UNDER THE TABLE. HE SPITS HIS GARDEN
GOULASH INTO A BAG AND BEGINS TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF THE
CHICKEN LEG HE'S BEEN HIDING.
KAYLA
What are you doing here under the
table?
RAYDELL
Trying to find my fork.
KAYLA
Your fork is in your right hand
and a chicken leg is in your left.
Hand it over.
INT. RAYDELL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (DAY 2)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA)
RAYDELL AND KAYLA ARE JUST CLIMBING INTO BED.
RAYDELL
I'm sorry about the chicken under
the table thing at dinner. I know
I embarrassed you.
KAYLA
Yes, but it's alright now. I
should have known you'd slip up at
least once.
RAYDELL
So what are you saying? I'm weak?
I don't have any self control?
KAYLA
Yes. Besides, you've been eating
meat since you were three weeks
old, I shouldn't have expected you
to make such a drastic change all
of a sudden.
RAYDELL
Right. You had a head start being
a semi-pro body builder for all
those years. This is probably a
piece of cake for you.
KAYLA
Yeah, you've got a point. Where'd
you get that chicken from anyway?
RAYDELL
I'm pleading the sixth on that.
KAYLA
I'm tired to correct you. I'm
going to sleep.
RAYDELL
How about a good-night kiss?
KAYLA
No. I don't want your greasy
chicken lips touching me. Now go
to sleep.
HE TURNS THE LAMPS OFF. THE ROOM IS DARK. SOON WE HEAR...
SFX: FAINT CRUNCHING NOISE.
KAYLA (cont'd)
Do you hear that?
THE CRUNCHING NOISE STOPS.
RAYDELL
(mouth full)
Hear what?
KAYLA TURNS THE LIGHTS ON
KAYLA
Like crunching.
RAYDELL
Oh that. I was just cracking my
toes, now will you please turn the
light out? I'm trying to sleep.
KAYLA
That was not toe-cracking, that
was food crunching. Spit it out,
Ray. Whatever it is, spit it out.
RAYDELL
Okay okay.
RAYDELL SPITS OUT THE FOOD.
KAYLA
Now go to sleep.
KAYLA TURNS THE LIGHT OUT. WE HEAR RAYDELL WHIMPERING LIKE
A DOG.
INT. BRAVES' GARAGE - AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(RAYDELL, RICHARD, VITO)
RAYDELL IS BUSY SEARCHING THROUGH SOME OLD SHOES LAYING ON
THE FLOOR. VITO IS ON THE COUCH DRINKING A BEER.
RAYDELL
Man, this is really hard. Kayla
got rid of all the meat in the
house. I'm going nuts.
VITO
Just tell her you're going nuts.
RAYDELL
No, then she'll think I'm weak.
VITO
You are Ray, just like me. Why do
you think Heidi and I broke up?
RAYDELL
You and the sun child broke up
already?
VITO
Yeah.
RAYDELL
I thought you were like two
organic peas in a pod.
VITO
She's nice and all, but I just
wasn't ready for a meatless
romance. I mean she was constantly
trying to ram her plant-based
meals down my throat. I just
couldn't take it anymore.
RAYDELL
Yeah, you gotta be true to
yourself. Me on the other hand, am
married. Locked in.
RAYDELL TAKES A FEW SNIFFS.
RAYDELL (cont'd)
Hey, I smell meat. Beef to be more
precise.
VITO
Yeah, I just had a steak for
breakfast.
RAYDELL
You lucky dog. You're a free man
and a lucky dog.
VITO
Yeah, but I still miss Heidi. I
even dreamed about her last night.
RAYDELL
You know what I dreamed about last
night? Beef. Poultry. Buffalo.
Reindeer. And not just when I
sleep, I fantasize about it in
broad daylight. Like I am right
now.
VITO
So what are you doing with that
work boot?
RAYDELL
I've been trying to fight the
urge, the dreams, the temptations,
but it's just too strong. Inside
this work boot is an emergency
hamburger just in case I weaken.
Want a bite?
VITO
No, I already ate, remember?
Besides, I don't want athlete's
feet on my lips. But you go right
ahead.
RAYDELL
Okay.
RAYDELL UNWRAPS THE BURGER.
RAYDELL (cont'd)
It's cold, it's damp, but it's
still meat. Here it goes.
BEFORE RAYDELL CAN TAKE A BITE OUT OF THE HAMBURGER, THE
DOOR OPENS. KAYLA STICKS HER HEAD IN.
KAYLA
What are you two doing out here in
the garage?
RAYDELL
(nervous)
I was just...
KAYLA
Oh great, you're about to do some
yard work.
RAYDELL
Yes. That's why I'm holding the
work boot.
KAYLA
Well start on the front lawn. And
make sure you don't get a heat
stroke out there. It's kind of
hot.
RAYDELL
I'll be sure to take my purified
water with me. And don't worry,
Vito's going to help, since he's
got so much free time on his hands
now.
KAYLA CLOSES THE DOOR.
VITO
So now I'm helping, huh?
RAYDELL
Yep. Go ahead and grab those other
work books over there would ya?
VITO
You're scared of your wife, aren't
you?
RAYDELL
I'm not scared, but over-sized
biceps of any gender can be
intimidating.
VITO
It's okay, I'm afraid of her too.
INT. BRAVES' LIVING ROOM - EVENING (DAY 3)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA)
SFX: TV
RAYDELL SITS ON THE SOFA. HE SEEMS TO BE IN A TRANCE AS HE
WATCHES AN ANIMAL DOCUMENTARY ON TV.
NARRATOR ON TV (V.O.)
...We hope you enjoyed, our
special segment on wild gazelles.
RAYDELL
(wipes the drool
from his lips)
Yes I did.
NARRATOR ON TV (V.O.)
But don't turn that channel,
because next up is the Northern
American Moose.
RAYDELL
Bring 'em on, baby. Bring 'em on.
KAYLA ENTERS. RAYDELL IS STARTLED.
KAYLA
Hey. What you watching?
RAYDELL
Oh. I was just watching a
little... wildlife... stuff.
KAYLA
What about the football game?
RAYDELL
Oh yeah. The game.
(to himself)
What channel was that on?
KAYLA
You hungry? I thought we'd finish
off the rest of the Goulash
tonight.
RAYDELL
Yeah. About that Goulash...
SFX: PHONE RING
KAYLA
I'll get it.
KAYLA ANSWERS THE PHONE.
KAYLA (cont'd)
(Into phone)
Hello?... Hey Vito... Yeah, he's
here. Just a sec.
(to Raydell) )
It's for you. It's Vito.
RAYDELL TAKES THE PHONE.
RAYDELL
Thanks.
(into phone)
Yo, Vito, what's the word?... Me?
I'm, just watching the game. So
what's up?... Really?!
(Uneasy)
Wow, that sounds pretty bad. So
you can't walk at all?
KAYLA
What happened?
RAYDELL
Vito got bit in the butt by a Pit
Bull.
KAYLA
Ouch.
RAYDELL
(into phone)
What?... Wow, that's terrible.
(to Kayla)
Both cheeks.
KAYLA MAKES A GRIMACING FACE.
RAYDELL (cont'd)
(into phone)
Well, you don't want infection to
set in, that's for sure... Yeah I
can pop over there for a little
while. Help you out. You need
anything from the store?... Pain
killers and beer? Okay, whatever
you need buddy.
RAYDELL HANGS UP.
KAYLA
Is he alright?
RAYDELL
Not really. His ass is swollen up
so bad he can't even sit down.
KAYLA
Well can't his girlfriend help
him?
RAYDELL
Him and Heidi broke up, remember?
KAYLA
Oh yeah.
KAYLA (cont'd)
That's terrible. You want me to go
over there with you?
RAYDELL
No!
(Calmer)
I mean... You don't want to go
over there. He can't even put his
pants on.
KAYLA
Well don't stay too long.
RAYDELL
Copy that.
RAYDELL GRABS HIS JACKET AND HEADS FOR THE DOOR.
RAYDELL (cont'd)
Be back in two steaks-- I mean two
shakes.
RAYDELL EXITS.
INT. VITO'S LIVING ROOM - DAY (DAY 3)
(RAYDELL, RICHARD, VITO)
SFX: TV SPORTS
VITO IS WATCHING SPORTS IN FRONT OF THE TV, WHILE EATING.
SFX: DOORBELL
VITO ANSWERS THE DOOR. IT'S RAYDELL WITH A SIX PACK OF
BEER IN HAND.
VITO
Hey, Raydell.
RAYDELL
Thanks for the call, Vito. I owe
you big time. Now where's the
steak?
VITO
Yes you do. It's on the table.
RAYDELL HURRIES TOWARDS THE FOOD.
RAYDELL
(to the steak)
Oh you smell good, and you look so
lean, delicious and succulent.
RAYDELL GRABS THE STEAK OFF OF THE PLATE.
VITO
Be careful, it's--
RAYDELL TAKES A BITE.
RAYDELL
Hot! I think I just singed the
taste buds off my tongue.
VITO
Why don't you sit down and have a
beer. Cool off those smoldering
tastes buds.
RAYDELL
No, I'll just eat through it.
VITO
You know, maybe this is a sign.
RAYDELL
A sign? What are you talking
about?
VITO
Maybe you shouldn't be sneaking
around behind your wife's back
like this?
RAYDELL
You're the one who started all
this when you gave Kayla that
stupid book, remember?
VITO
So now it's my fault for trying to
be nice?
RAYDELL
(humble)
No. It's my fault for being so...
large. This stupid garden diet is
her way of saying, "Raydell, lose
some weight." I'm not sure if
Kayla even loves me anymore.
VITO
Don't be silly. Weren't you sort
of heavy when you got married?
RAYDELL
That was a bit hurtful.
VITO
I didn't mean it like that. I mean
she married you because she loved
you. And I'm sure she still does.
Why would she want to change you
all of a sudden?
RAYDELL
I don't know. Maybe she's tired of
looking at my big extra-wide
behind.
VITO
So what are you going to do?
RAYDELL
I'm not sure yet, either I'm going
to give this health diet another
chance or I'm going to tell Kayla
I'm mad as hell and I'm not going
to take it anymore!
INT. RAYDELL' BEDROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT 2?)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA)
RAYDELL AND KAYLA ARE GETTING READY FOR BED.
KAYLA
So how's Vito doing?
RAYDELL
He's okay.
KAYLA
That's good. That was real nice of
you to go over there and help him
out. Well he did help me with the
yard work.
(soft tone)
So Kayla, you still love me?
KAYLA (cont'd)
Of course I do. Why you asking me
that?
RAYDELL
I just feel a little self
conscious now that you've got me
on this meatless diet.
KAYLA
All I ask is that you give it a
chance. You're doing pretty good
so far.
RAYDELL
To tell you the truth, I asked
Vito call me earlier.
KAYLA
So he's okay?
RAYDELL
Yes, his ass is just fine. But he
didn't lie, I did. He had steak at
his house and I wanted it. But I
didn't eat it, Kayla. I had to
prove to myself I had willpower.
KAYLA
I'm really proud of you Ray.
Thanks for trying this for me.
KAYLA KISSES HIM.
KAYLA (cont'd)
Good night. I'm going to sleep.
RAYDELL
I'm not really sleepy yet. So I'm
just going to read.
RAYDELL GRABS THE VEGETARIAN BOOK.
KAYLA
(nervous)
Wait a minute. What are you doing
with my book?
RAYDELL
I'm going to read it. Time for me
to start taking this diet thing a
little more seriously.
KAYLA
Come on Raydell, you know I can't
sleep with that light on.
RAYDELL
You believe in me, now I have to
start believing in myself.
KAYLA
But not right now. Give me the
book please.
KAYLA GRABS THE BOOK BUT RAYDELL HOLDS ON.
RAYDELL
(pulling the
book)
I'll read it under the covers with
a flashlight. Now please let go.
PULLING THE BOOK.
KAYLA
Maybe I don't want you reading my
book. So you let go.
PULLING THE BOOK.
RAYDELL
I'll just look at the pictures
then. So please let go, Kayla.
PULLING THE BOOK.
KAYLA
Get your own book!
THE BOOK OPENS AND A TURKEY LEG DROPS FROM THE CUT OUT
PAGES. KAYLA GIVES A MEEK-LOOKING SMILE.
RAYDELL
Whoa, where'd that chicken leg
come from?
KAYLA
(speechless)
I... I... I--
RAYDELL
I've got to hand it to you, baby,
hiding a chicken leg in a cut out
book is pretty darn creative.
KAYLA
Well I did air fry it, so... As
you can see, the chicken nor the
pages are greasy.
RAYDELL
You've got a point.
THEY BOTH LAUGH.
KAYLA
Shall we?
RAYDELL
Sure, why not.
THEY BOTH CAN BE HEARD DEVOURING THE CHICKEN.
KAYLA
Hey, I've got some hot sauce in
that sci-fi book over there.
FADE OUT.
END OF SHOW