Home of the Braves

This is a comedy about a blacklisted Hollywood directortrying to film her first family TV show on an extremelysmall budget. Starring: Kimberly Coburn - as Kayla Brave. Kenneth Byrd - as Raydell Brave. Djarese Blevins - as Troy Brave. Mary Jenkins - as Davonna Brave. Amir Byrd - as Tarrin Brave. Teresa Suarez Grosso - Felicia - the Director. Anthony De La Cruz - Greco, the Cinematographer. SOUND FX & SAMPLES PROVIDED BY: * FREE SOUND.ORG * PRO MUSIC PACK.COM * LOOPERMAN.COM * GLITCHMACHINES.COM * SOUND EFFECT PACK.COM * LOOPMASTERS.COM * ZAPSPLAT.COM. MUSIC PROVIDED BY: * PROMUSICPACK.COM * LOOPERMAN.COM. Our Website is: https://www.skitz-o-phonics.com/

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Home of the Braves

Chips on the table (S1 E5)

December 18, 2020 • eArL Hamilton • Season 1 • Episode 5

Mom’s (Kayla's) earrings come up missing, she suspects her son’s new girlfriend.

Cast:

Kim Coburn (Kayla Brave)
Kenneth Byrd (Raydell Brave)
Mary Jenkins (Davonna Brave)
Djarese Blevins (Troy Brave)
Amir Byrd (Tarin Brave)
Teresa Suárez Grosso (Felicia De La Puente)
Anthony De La Cruz (Grecko)
Zakiyyah Saleem (Lynn)
Jessica Bryant (Jennetta)

This is the post roll (outro) for each episode.

Support the show

Be sure to check out our website at https://www.skitz-o-phonics.com/homeofthebraves, which includes pics and credits, plus more entertaining content!
(R.I.P. Ken)

INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

CAST AND CREW ARE GETTING READY TO RECORD ANOTHER EPISODE.

FELICIA

Good morning good morning good
morning!

FAMILY

Good morning. 'Morning Felicia.
Good morning Mrs. De La Puente'.

FELICIA

Another beautiful Saturday
morning, huh? Right? Yeah?

(looking around)

Lynn. Chanetta, where are they?

GRECO

Not here yet, but their on their
way.

FELICIA

(mumbling
sarcasm)

Not nearly good as actually being
here though, is it?

GRECO

It's only nine forty-five, so they
still have fifteen minutes--

FELICIA

Yes, I know what time it is Greco.
I have a watch. Plus a clock on my
smart phone. And one in my car.
Plus there's on on that wall right
there, so yes, I do know what time
it is, Greco.

RAYDELL

So you're sure I'm not in any of
these scenes at all?

FELICIA

Yes, I'm sure, and no, you are not
in this episode at all. So you can
go back to bed, or maybe you can
get me a late', huh? That would be
nice.

TROY

(pay back)

Extra skim milk, with organic
honey, Right Mrs. De La Puente?

RAYDELL

Shut up T-Roy.

RAYDELL EXITS.

FELICIA

(to the family)

Alright everybody. While we're
waiting for those two lazy ladies
and my large late', are there
any... issues that we need to
address?

GRECO

The contracts. Are you all done
signing your contracts?

KAYLA

Yes. All the contracts are signed.

DAVONNA

I hope you don't mind, but I typed
it up and printed them out. No
offense, but your handwriting was
kind of hard on the eyes.

GRECO

No, it's okay. Thank you. I'll
take those now.

GRECO COLLECTS THE CONTRACTS.

DAVONNA

I hope you don't mind, but I added
an extra line in there.

GRECO

What kind of line?

DAVONNA

Well, since I composed the theme
music, I was hoping I'd get a
little bonus.

GRECO

(unsure)

...Ummm.

FELICIA

Yes of course Day-Day. How much
cash do you have on you, Greco?

DAVONNA

No, I mean more than a few--

SFX: DOORBELL

FELICIA

Great! That should be the girls
now.

TARRIN

I'll get it.

TARRIN GOES TO OPEN THE DOOR.

TARRIN (cont'd)

(yelling to
Felicia)

Yep! It's the girls!

FELICIA

Let 'em in Tarrin! Let 'em in.
Places everybody!

EVERYBODY GETS INTO THEIR PLACES.

FELICIA (cont'd)

Alright Greco, light it up!

GRECO

Home of the Braves. "Chips on the
table."

SFX: CLAP BOARD

FELICIA

And... action.

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

-----------------------------------------------------------

FADE IN:

INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING (NIGHT 1)

(KAYLA, LYNN, TROY, CHANETTA)

KAYLA AND LYNN ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH DRESSED UP IN CLUB
CLOTHES DRINKING WINE. THEY'RE WATCHING TV, LAUGHING THEIR
HEADS OFF.

KAYLA

She is not a good looking woman.

LYNN

All that money and still torn
down. Looks like a mix between a
scarecrow and an alien.

KAYLA

A "Scare-alien!"

OBVIOUSLY TIPSY, THE TWO BURST OUT LAUGHING.

KAYLA

You know who she reminds me of,
remember that movie "Troll?"

LYNN

Hell I thought that's what we were
watching.

THEY LAUGH EVEN HARDER.

LYNN (cont'd)

Uh-oh look at this one. She needs
a sports bra because her fun bags
look like fart bags!

THEY LAUGH EVEN LOUDER.

LYNN (cont'd)

And she calls herself a celebrity?

KAYLA

I think she means celibacy, and
not by choice I'm sure.

THEY ENJOY ANOTHER GOOD LAUGH.

KAYLA (cont'd)

Well, since we're not going
anywhere, might as well take these
ear rings off. Go ahead Lynn, kick
your shoes off. Get comfortable.

LYNN

Might as well.

THEY KICK THEIR SHOES OFF THEN SIGH RELIEF.

LYNN (cont'd)

Kayla, let me top you off.

LYNN REFILLS THEIR GLASSES.

KAYLA

(takes a sip)

Mmmm. Who says you have to pay
more than three bucks for the good
stuff?

LYNN

Not me!

THEY TOUCH GLASSES AND TAKE ANOTHER SIP.

LYNN (cont'd)

So how's the candle making
business going?

KAYLA

Slow as molasses. But I'm going to
make it work, just have to learn
how to target people better.

LYNN

You'll learn. In the meantime,
maybe you should turn in that
security guard application.

KAYLA

I did. Just waiting to hear back
from somebody now.

LYNN

Well good luck.

SFX: PHONE RINGS

KAYLA

Hold on. Let me get this.

KAYLA ANSWERS IT.

KAYLA (cont'd)

Hello... Who's this?... I know
your breathing, Galacia! Now stop
playing on the phone!... No, he's
not here!... I don't care who you
work for. Lose this number before
I come over there and gnaw your
ugly ear off--! Hello?

KAYLA HANGS UP.

LYNN

What's wrong with that woman? How
can she still be in love with Ray
after all these years?

KAYLA

She's got some mental issues for
sure. How she got a job with the
FBI, I'll never know.

LYNN

So Ray's doesn't have any feelings
for her, does she?

KAYLA

No, no. I'm not even worried about
that. She annoys him almost as
much as she annoys me.

LYNN

Yeah, but I don't think he would
ever gnaw her ear off.

THEY BOTH BURSTS OUT LAUGHING.

LYNN (cont'd)

So you think Ray might get that
movie roll?

KAYLA

Yeah I sure hope so, this is his
second callback.

LYNN

What would you do if he got the
part? Started making all that
money?

KAYLA

First thing I'd do is move out of
here.

LYNN

Why? What's wrong with this place?

KAYLA

Kind of small. And that damn
canyon back there can be scary
sometimes.

LYNN

Scary how? You ever see anything?

KAYLA

(spooky)

Yeah. Eyes. Yellow, sometimes red.
Huge glowing eyes!

LYNN IS STARTLED.

LYNN

(scared)

Ahhh!

KAYLA LAUGHS.

LYNN (cont'd)

What you do that for?

KAYLA

You have to admit, it was better
than what we're watching now.

TROY ENTERS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR WITH HIS DATE.

TROY

Is everything alright? I thought I
just heard somebody yelling in
here.

KAYLA

Yeah, everything if fine. We were
just playing around.

LYNN

Hey Troy.

TROY

Hi Ms. Lynn.

KAYLA

So who's this? Your new
girlfriend?

TROY

Oh, this is Chanetta. That's my
mom and her friend, Ms. Lynn.

CHANETTA

Hello.

LYNN

(sniffs the air)

You sure smell pretty. What kind
of perfume is that?

CHANETTA

I refuse to wear perfume or
deodorants of any kind. What
you're smelling is one hundred
percent me.

LYNN

(sarcasm)

Wow. How nice is that?

TROY

You two sure look nice. Where are
you guys going?

KAYLA

Nowhere now.

LYNN

Yeah, we're not gonna make it.

TROY

When's Dad coming back?

KAYLA

Tomorrow. Your brother and sister
are spending the weekend with your
grandmother.

TROY

"Absence from those we love is
self from self - a deadly
banishment."

LYNN

Dave Chappell, right?

TROY

William Shakespeare.

CHANETTA

I'm impressed Troy. You're
learning fast.

TROY

Well you are a wonderful
inspiration. Be right back, going
to go grab my wallet.

TROY EXITS TO HIS ROOM.

KAYLA

So Chanetta, are you and Troy
dating?

CHANETTA

Kind of. It's only been a couple
of weeks.

KAYLA

No wonder Troy's been brushing his
teeth every day, he's in love. I'm
sorry, I shouldn't have said that.
We're a little tipsy.

LYNN

She's a little tipsy, I'm cute and
woozy.

TROY RETURNS.

TROY

Alright ma. I'll be back later.

KAYLA

Where are you two going, if you
don't mind me asking?

CHANETTA

To the open-air theater for a
night of live poetry.

KAYLA

I would say have fun, but...

KAYLA SNICKERS.

CHANETTA

It was nice meeting you, Mrs.
Brave. Ms. Lynn.

LYNN

You too, Chanetta.

KAYLA

Likewise.

TROY AND CHANETTA EXIT.

LYNN

They make a cute couple, don't you
think?

KAYLA

Yeah, but open-air poetry?

KAYLA AND LYNN BURST OUT LAUGHING.

INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING (DAY 1)

(KAYLA, LYNN)

KAYLA ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN WITH AN ICE PACK ON HER
FOREHEAD. SHE LOOKS LIKE A MORNING-MESS. SHE SITS ON THE
COUCH AND DROPS SOME ALKA-SELTZER INTO HER GLASS OF WATER.

KAYLA

(singing jingle)

Plop-plop-fizz-fizz ohhhh...

(talking)

Man it hurts to sing.

LYNN (O.S.)

Why do you think I didn't join in.

KAYLA

Ahhh!

KAYLA PULLS BACK THE BLANKET ON THE COUCH AND NOTICES LYNN
UNDERNEATH.

KAYLA

Lynn, what are you still doing
here? I thought you went home last
night.

LYNN

(dazed/confused)

Yeah, so did I.

KAYLA

Wow, we must have really tied one
on last night.

LYNN

Yeah, that cheap stuff really
sneaks up on you.

KAYLA

Yeah.

KAYLA BEGINS LOOKING AROUND ON THE COFFEE TABLE.

KAYLA

Wait a minute. Wait-wait-wait!

LYNN

What's wrong?

KAYLA

My earrings, they're missing.

LYNN

Are you sure?

KAYLA

Yes, I took them off last night
and put them on the coffee table
when we were watching TV,
remember?

LYNN

Kind of sort of but not really.
That last drink knocked me out
like a Pacquiao uppercut. The last
thing I remember is playing poker
with a peacock. Have you looked
under the couch?

KAYLA

Yeah, but let me check again.

KAYLA LOOKS UNDER THE COUCH.

KAYLA (cont'd)

No. They're gone, Lynn! Someone
stole them! And I think I know who
it was.

INT. LYNN'S LIVING ROOM - LATER THAT DAY (DAY 2)

(KAYLA, LYNN)

KAYLA IS NERVOUSLY PACING BACK AND FORTH. LYNN WATCHES.

KAYLA

I can't believe Chanetta stole my
ear rings right from under our
noses.

LYNN

Don't you think you're jumping to
conclusions?

KAYLA

No, just because she's blemish
free and smells good doesn't mean
she's not capable of thievery.

LYNN

When would she have had the
opportunity? I mean, we never left
the room.

KAYLA

I'm pretty sure we both passed out
at least once while she was here.

LYNN

That's very possible.

KAYLA

So what should I do? You think I
should say something to Troy about
it?

LYNN

I don't think so. Let's just wait,
maybe they'll show up in a day or
two.

KAYLA

In a day or two she could have
pawned them and fled the country!

LYNN

Kayla, take a deep breath and
relax. It's going to be okay.
Let's just stay calm and keep a
level head about all this. Let's
paint our toenails. Take our mind
off of this for a while

KAYLA

(calming exhale)

Good idea Lynn. You always know
what to do.

KAYLA THINKS SOME MORE, THEN...

KAYLA (cont'd)

But before we do that, I'd like to
confront her and get real ghetto
on her ass.

INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING (NIGHT 2)

(KAYLA, TROY)

KAYLA ENTERS. TROY IS SPRAYING COLOGNE ON HIMSELF, GETTING
READY FOR ANOTHER DATE.

TROY

So what do you think about
Chanetta? She's nice, right? Check
this out.

(poetic)

Though my face may not reveal it,
my heart sings a joyful song, for
I am thoroughly overjoyed and
blissfully intoxicated by this
wonderful thing called love.

KAYLA STARES AT HIM FOR A MOMENT, BEWILDERED.

KAYLA

Wanda Sykes?

TROY

It's mine, my first attempt at
poetry. Chanetta's got me
interested in all kinds of things.
Things I've never even thought
about before; opera, coffee,
ballet.

KAYLA

Okay that's real cute and dainty,
Troy, but I have to tell you
something about her.

TROY

What is it?

KAYLA

Well this is going to sting if
you're in love with her. You're
not in love with her are you?

TROY

Well, I'm seventeen and she gave
me my first kiss, so yes. I am in
love.

KAYLA

Okay, what I'm trying to tell you,
is that Chanetta's a kleptomaniac.

TROY

A what?

KAYLA

Listen to me. Last night I set my
earrings on that very table and
now they're very gone. The only
people that were here were me,
you, Lynn, and that raccoon who
likes shiny things.

TROY

Ma. just because your earrings
came up missing doesn't mean
Chanetta stole them. Maybe they
fell off the coffee table and
rolled under the couch.

KAYLA

No, we've looked hi and low.
There's no clues anywhere. She's
definitely a professional.

TROY

I assure you she did not take your
earrings. She's a very respectable
person. She has a good job, even
has her own place.

KAYLA

She has her own place? How old is
she?

TROY

I don't really want to say.

KAYLA

So you're going out with Chanetta
tonight?

TROY

Yes. We're going to see a new
vanguard film in the Valley. And
please don't try to tail us.

TROY EXITS.

KAYLA

Wait, I haven't run her background
check yet!

INT. KAYLA'S CAR - MOVING - LATER (NIGHT 2)

(LYNN, KAYLA)

KAYLA DRIVES, LYNN RIDES SHOTGUN.

LYNN

So where we driving too? I thought
we were going to watch another
movie tonight.

KAYLA

No, I've got a better idea.

LYNN

What could be better than throwing
back a few and bad-mouthing
celebrities with a bowl of warm
popcorn in your lap?

KAYLA

Dinner. On me.

LYNN

That is a better idea. So where we
going?

KAYLA

Downtown.

LYNN

So I can order anything on the
menu I want?

KAYLA

Yeah.

LYNN

What's the occasion?

KAYLA

We're two beautiful women, we
don't need an occasion.

LYNN

You're right, we are some
beautiful babes. Now let's see
what I'm in the mood for. Steak?
Duck? Maybe something Italian.

KAYLA PULLS THE CAR OVER AND PARKS.

LYNN (cont'd)

Why we stoppin' here? This is a
residential area.

KAYLA

There's where the raccoon lives.

LYNN

What raccoon?

KAYLA

Chanetta. Using the internet and
Facebook, I found quite a bit of
information on her. Found out
she's twenty-one and has her own
house.

LYNN

What? Her parents must have bought
if for her, right?

KAYLA

I don't know how she got the
house, but I do know she loves
nice ear rings, which I intend to
get back.

LYNN

What are you talking about?

KAYLA

They're at the movies. I'm going
in.

LYNN

Are you crazy? It's not like she
took the Hope Diamond. We're
talking about some JC Penny
sapphire chips.

KAYLA

They were a gift from my grand
aunt Sophie.

LYNN

I don't care if they were a gift
from Grandmaster Flash, I'm not
going to jail over this Kayla.

KAYLA

Before you say no, check this out.

KAYLA GRABS A BAG FROM THE BACK SEAT.

KAYLA (cont'd)

It's my spy bag.

KAYLA BEGINS PULLING ITEMS OUT OF THE BAG.

KAYLA

I brought all kinds of undercover
stuff. Flashlights. Walkie
talkies.

LYNN

What'd you bring mittens for?

KAYLA

Couldn't find my leather gloves.

LYNN

Maybe they're in your ransom bag.

KAYLA

Real funny. Look, I even brought
lock-picking tools.

LYNN

Those are not lock-picking tools,
it's a fingernail file and a Slim
Jim. And by the way, a real Slim
Jim is not made of beef.

KAYLA

Like you've broken into someone's
house before.

LYNN

Look Kayla, I don't care what kind
of tools you have or how
sentimental those earrings are,
it's not worth it.

KAYLA

Okay June Cleaver, what if I gave
you a walkie talkie and a Big Mac?
Would you be willing to stay in
the car and radio me if you see
anyone coming?

LYNN

I don't care if you threw in a
large order of McNuggets and a
Shamrock shake, I'm not going to
be a part of this.

INT. KAYLA'S CAR - MOMENTS LATER (NIGHT 2)

(LYNN, KAYLA)

LYNN SITS IN THE CAR EATING FAST FOOD.

LYNN

(to herself)

I am such a pushover. Instead of
eating Lasagna in a nice clean
restaurant, I'm sittin' in a dark
car with a clown in my lap.

THE FOLLOWING CONVERSATION GOES BACK AND FORTH OVER THE
WALKIE TALKIE.

KAYLA (V.O.)

Okay I'm in. Do you copy Delta,
Tango, Charlie, I'm in.

LYNN

Copy that. Proceed with caution
Alpha, Bravo, Cheapskate.

AFTER A FEW SECONDS WE HEAR KAYLA AGAIN.

KAYLA (V.O.)

This chick's got a very nice
house.

LYNN

I copy nice house. Over.

KAYLA (V.O.)

Okay I'm in the kitchen. Wow, look
at all this, she has a ton of
coffee. Coffee everywhere.

LYNN IS TOO BUSY EATING TO CARE OR RESPOND.

KAYLA (V.O.) (cont'd)

Check this out, she eats Crunch
Berries. A vegetarian who eats
Crunch Berries, is that weird or
what?

LYNN

Copy that cheapskate. Crunch
Berries in the pantry.

KAYLA (V.O.)

Okay kitchen's clear, moving to
the living room.

LYNN IS LICKING HER FINGERS AND BELCHING.

KAYLA (V.O.) (cont'd)

My god. Her whole house smells
good, just like her.

LYNN

(sarcasm)

That's right girl take your time,
take your ever-loving time.

KAYLA (V.O.)

You're not going to believe it.

LYNN

You found your earrings?

KAYLA (V.O.)

No. She has the entire Benny Hill
collection on Blu-ray. Not just
the first season, but the whole
freakin' collection.

LYNN

Grab it for me.

KAYLA (V.O.)

Maybe on the way out, it looks
heavy.

LYNN CONTINUES EATING.

KAYLA (V.O.) (cont'd)

Okay I'm inside her bedroom. I see
a chess set. Probably thinks she's
too cute for checkers. And look, a
Rubik's Cube. Oh my God she solved
it!

LYNN

Don't jump to conclusions, some
people buy them that way.

KAYLA (V.O.)

I'm looking on her dresser and in
her drawers. Man, I don't see them
anywhere. I bet she put them in
her safe.

WE HEAR A BUMP AND CRASH.

LYNN

What was that?

KAYLA (V.O.)

I knocked something over.

LYNN

Just hurry up will you, I gotta
pee.

KAYLA (V.O.)

(worried)

Oh boy. Oh boy, this is not good.

LYNN

What's wrong?

KAYLA (V.O.)

She has a dog. A mean-looking dog
and I just woke him up.

WE CAN HEAR THE DOG GROWLING.

LYNN

Get out of there, Kayla! Get out
now!

KAYLA (V.O.)

Too late he sees me.

(to dog)

Easy boy, easy. No... No!...
No!!

THE DOG IS BARKING AND GROWLING LIKE CRAZY.

KAYLA

Ahhh!!

ALL OF A SUDDEN EVERYTHING GOES SILENT.

LYNN

Oh no. Kayla?! Kayla?!

WE HEAR THE DOG CHEWING.

LYNN (cont'd)

(crying)

Oh no, he's eating her.

KAYLA (V.O.)

Delta, Tangelo, Charlie, I'm okay.
I repeat, I'm okay. Do you copy?

LYNN

Yeah I copy, but you scared the
McNuggets out of me. What
happened?

KAYLA (V.O.)

The dog knocked me down, but he
just wanted my Slim Jim. He's
adorable. I'm rubbing his belly as
we speak.

(to dog)

Hey cutie-cutie-cutie.

LYNN

We don't have time for belly
rubbing. Let's go.

KAYLA (V.O.)

Wait a minute, what's this?

LYNN

You found the earrings?

KAYLA (V.O.)

No, something much more
interesting.

INT. KAYLA'S CAR - MOVING - LATER (NIGHT 2)

(KAYLA, LYNN)

LYNN'S NERVOUSLY DRIVING HOME FROM THE CRIME SCENE. KAYLA
RIDES SHOTGUN.

LYNN

Alright, slow down before we get
pulled over.

KAYLA

Yeah, you're right.

LYNN

Okay, so if you didn't find your
ear rings, what did you find?

KAYLA

A bunch of weird photos. Photos of
her and her old boyfriends.

LYNN

What's so weird about that?

KAYLA

They're all tattooed midgets.

LYNN

So what do you have against
tattooed midgets?

KAYLA

Nothing, I think they're
wonderful, but she seems to have
some kind of fetish. You should
have seen some of their poses.
There's one where this guy's
sitting on her lap like she's a
ventriloquist or something. In a
different photo with a different
guy, she's tossing him up and
catching him like he's a baby.
Very disturbing don't you think?

LYNN

A little strange but I wouldn't
call it disturbing. Everybody has
their own little private thing.
Take me for instance, I like to
get a big bowl of pickled eggs and
a glass of Chardonnay, dress up
like a nurse and watch old
episodes of Martin. Does that make
me a freak?

KAYLA

You really don't know the answer?

LYNN

Did you at least get the Benny
Hill collection?

KAYLA

No. We're not thieves Lynn, just
two hot women looking for justice.

LYNN

Wrong. We're going back tomorrow
night.

INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING (DAY 3)

(KAYLA, TROY, CHANETTA)

KAYLA ENTERS. SHE'S HALF AWAKE AS SHE MAKES HER WAY TO THE
BATHROOM. SHE OPENS THE DOOR. A FEMALE SCREAMS. KAYLA
SHUTS THE DOOR IN A HURRY.

KAYLA

Troy you really need to beef up
your testosterone intake, and cut
way-way-way down on that poetry.

TROY ENTERS FROM HIS BEDROOM.

TROY

Hey, what's going on?

KAYLA

(confused)

Who's in our bathroom?

TROY

Chanetta.

KAYLA

Why is Chanetta in our bathroom?

TROY

Someone broke into her apartment
last night. She was afraid to stay
there so I told her she could
spend the night here. You were
already asleep and I didn't want
to wake you.

KAYLA

Okay Troy, we've gotta talk about
your little girlfriend, but it's
not about the earrings. What I
found goes much deeper than that.

TROY

What do you mean, what you found?

KAYLA

...Ahhh, on the internet.

TROY

Mom, if she's not a werewolf or a
goblin, I'm not concerned.

KAYLA

(whispering)

Listen, I discovered that Chanetta
is into--

CHANETTA ENTERS FROM THE BATHROOM WEARING TROY'S T-SHIRT.

KAYLA (cont'd)

(fake joy)

Hey, look who's here.

CHANETTA

Good morning.

KAYLA

Hey, sorry I barged in on you like
that but--

CHANETTA

No, I'm sorry, I should have
locked the door. Troy said it
would be okay if I stayed the
night. It is okay isn't it?

KAYLA

Well you've already done it now,
so yeah, it's okay.

TROY

(to Chanetta)

So how you doing this morning?

CHANETTA

Good, but I'll be even better
after I've had some coffee.

KAYLA

Sorry. I'm afraid we're out. Troy
told me someone broke into your
house last night. You don't have
any clues to who did it do you?

CHANETTA

No, no clues.

KAYLA

(to herself)

That's good.

TROY

What's good about that?

KAYLA

I mean it's good she wasn't home.
You could have been hurt in the
process.

CHANETTA

You're right. Thank God we were at
the movies when it happened. And
they didn't even steal anything.
My dog must have scared them away.

KAYLA

That adorable little pooch?

CHANETTA

What?

KAYLA

I said that's deplorable if I
can't find you a little hooch,
it's a new brand of coffee from
Belgium. Very robust. I'll go see
if I can find some.

CHANETTA

Thank you Mrs. Brave.

KAYLA HUSTLES INTO THE KITCHEN.

INT. BRAVE'S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS (DAY 3)

(KAYLA)

KAYLA PICKS UP THE PHONE AND MAKES A PHONE CALL.

KAYLA

(whispering into
phone)

Lynn, it's me. Wake up. Wake up
wake up wake up...

WHILE TALKING ON THE PHONE, KAYLA IS OPENING AND SHUTTING
CABINET DOORS FOR NO APPARENT REASON.

KAYLA (cont'd)

(whispering into
phone)

Hey, I need your help...I know
it's the weekend, but Chanetta's
over here and I think I'm going to
need an alibi for last night...
Because I keep putting my
manicured foot in my big mouth...

KAYLA CONTINUES OPENING AND SHUTTING CABINET DOORS.

KAYLA (cont'd)

Yes, that's me pretending to look
for hooch... Never mind, just
please come over quickly....
Okay, yes-yes, I'll buy you a
McFlurry, now hurry up!

INT. BRAVE'S KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER (DAY 3)

(CHANETTA, KAYLA, TROY, TARRIN, RICHARD)

KAYLA, TROY AND CHANETTA ARE EATING CEREAL. CHANETTA SEEMS
A BIT UNEASY.

KAYLA

(short)

Nope, sorry, fresh out.

CHANETTA

(a bit desperate)

Are you sure you don't have any
coffee? Maybe you could check
again real quick.

TROY CROSSES TO CHECK INSIDE THE CABINETS.

TROY

How about some tea? We have
Orange, Raspberry, Earl Grey--

CHANETTA

No! God no!

TROY

Are you alright?

CHANETTA

(Calms down)

Yes. I'm sorry, tea just doesn't
do it for me.

NADINE AND TARRIN ENTER.

TARRIN

Hi mom.

DAVONNA

Hey Mom.

KAYLA

Hey Tarrin. "D." What are you two
doing back so early?

NADINE

I just found out I have get up
early in the morning to go up
north and meet with my lawyer. I
didn't want to take the kids way
up there with me.

KAYLA

Oh, okay.

TROY

Hey grandma.

NADINE

Hey Troy. Get over here and give
your grandmother a hug.

TROY GOES OVER AND GIVES HIS GRANDMOTHER A HUG.

NADINE (cont'd)

And who's this?

TROY

This is my...

(unsure)

...girlfriend, Chanetta.

CHANETTA

Hello ma'am.

NADINE

Just call me, Mrs. Nadine.

CHANETTA

Hello Ms. Nadine.

TROY

And that's my little brother,
Tarrin, and my sister, Davonna.

CHANETTA

Hi Tarrin. Hi Davonna.

TARRIN

Hi.

DAVONNA

(a bit surprised)

Hey.

KAYLA

You want to join us for some
oatmeal, ma?

NADINE

No thanks, we already ate.

TARRIN

Yeah, we had a real breakfast.
Pancakes, eggs, hash browns,
orange juice.

DAVONNA

And boy are we stuffed.

KAYLA

(a bit
embarrassed)

Alright, both of you can go to
your room now.

DAVONNA AND TARRIN EXIT.

CHANETTA

A cup of coffee sure would be nice
right about now.

CHANETTA'S FRUSTRATION IS BUILDING AND EVERYONE NOTICES.

KAYLA

Why don't I go check in the living
room just to make sure. Help me
look Ma.

NADINE

In the living room?

KAYLA

(gritting her
teeth)

Yes.

NADINE

Oh right. I think I remember
seeing the Colombian Roast under
the couch.

KAYLA AND NADINE HEAD INTO THE LIVING ROOM.

INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY 3)

(KAYLA, NADINE)

KAYLA AND NADINE WHISPER THEIR ENTIRE CONVERSATION.

KAYLA

Okay, I know I've made some bad
decisions in the last twenty-four
hours so please don't condemn me,
just help.

NADINE

I thought we were looking for
coffee.

KAYLA

Never mind that. Remember the
earrings my grand aunt gave me
years ago? Well now they're
missing.

NADINE

(sarcasm)

Please no, not the sapphire chips!

KAYLA

Shhh, this is serious. I think
Chanetta stole them, that's why I
broke into her house last night,
so I could try and find them.

NADINE

You did what?! How could you do
something like that? You've got to
tell her the truth.

KAYLA

Are you crazy?

NADINE

If you confess now, maybe you'll
get lucky and she won't press
charges, but if she finds out on
her own, I don't think your
chances are so good.

KAYLA

Come on Mam, I need a solution not
an old fashioned soul cleansing.

NADINE

You came to me for advice. That's
the best I've got.

KAYLA

Thanks Ma.

THEY HUG.

NADINE

Don't worry, it'll be okay. I
won't let you go through this
alone.

INT. BRAVE'S KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS (DAY 3)

(KAYLA, NADINE, TROY, CHANETTA, LYNN)

KAYLA AND NADINE ENTER FROM THE LIVING ROOM.

KAYLA

Okay, I have something to say--

NADINE

Sorry I can't stay for the blood
bath. Gotta run.

NADINE QUICKLY EXITS OUT THE FRONT DOOR.

TROY

Did he just say blood bath?

KAYLA

I think she said rug rash.

CHANETTA

I really appreciate you guys
letting me stay the night, and the
wonderful breakfast, but I really
have to leave too.

(anxious to Troy)

Let's go Sugar Loaf. I need to
make a stop.

TROY

Okay, I guess we'll see you later,
Ma.

KAYLA

Wait, I have something I really
need to say.

CHANETTA

Whatever it is, please say it
fast. I really need to go.

CHANETTA BEGINS TO FIDGET.

KAYLA

Okay, I'll come right out and say
it. I know what you did Chanetta,
so if you confess now I won't
press charges.

CHANETTA

Press charges for what?

KAYLA

I know it's embarrassing but
denying it just makes it worse.
Admit you took my earrings the
other night and we'll go from
there.

CHANETTA IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE UNCOMFORTABLE.

CHANETTA

She's joking right?

KAYLA

Is that why you're fidgeting like
a nervous criminal?

CHANETTA

I don't believe this.

TROY

I'm sorry Chanetta. Please excuse
my mother, she was bitten by a
mosquito last night and she's
suffering from a mild case of
malaria.

KAYLA

If you choose not to cooperate, I
will then proceed with a thorough
cross examination which consists
of a series of harsh questions you
might consider rude and
unladylike.

CHANETTA IS FIDGETING MORE AND MORE.

KAYLA (cont'd)

Do you have anything you want to
say before we get started?

CHANETTA'S UNCONTROLLABLE FIDGETING COMES TO A CLIMACTIC
EXPLOSION. SHE BEGINS YELLING RUDE GIBBERISH AND THROWING
THINGS IN EVERY DIRECTION. EVERYONE TAKES COVER.

TROY

Chanetta, what's wrong?!

LYNN ENTERS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR UNSUSPECTINGLY WITH A
CUP OF COFFEE.

LYNN

Sorry it took so long. Had to stop
and get coffee--

NOW LYNN SEES THE MAYHEM.

LYNN (cont'd)

What the...?! Should I call a
priest or a sharp shooter?!

CHANETTA NOTICES THE COFFEE. SHE RUSHES OVER AND SNATCHES
IT OUT OF LYNN'S HAND.

LYNN (cont'd)

Hey, she took my coffee!

CHANETTA CHUGS THE COFFEE DOWN COMPLETELY. EVERYONE IS IN
SHOCK.

TROY

What just happened?

LYNN

I don't know, but I'm about to get
real ghetto on her ass if I don't
get my four-fifty for that latte'.

CHANETTA, EXHAUSTED, MORPHS BACK TO HER OLD SWEET SELF
AGAIN. NOW SHE NOTICES THE MESS SHE'S MADE AS EVERYONE
COMES OUT OF HIDING.

CHANETTA

Oh no. Not again. Is anybody hurt?

TROY

No we're okay. I'm just curious,
do all bombshells go off like
that?

LYNN

Who is this and why are you making
light of all this?

TROY

Chanetta's my... friend, who I
think can explain way better than
I ever could.

CHANETTA

I'm sorry. I was hoping you would
never have to see that. I have
this weird health condition, I
have to have coffee. When I'm
deprived of it for too long I say
stupid stuff and do crazy things.

KAYLA

So that's why you have all that
coffee in your cabinets?

CHANETTA

How do you know how much coffee I
have?

TROY

Yeah, how do you know how much
coffee she has?

KAYLA REALIZES SHE'S BUSTED.

KAYLA

Okay, I'll confess. I was the one
who broke into your place last
night.

CHANETTA

You what?!

TROY

Ma!

KAYLA

Please don't call the police. I
have a good excuse, plus I have on
dirty underwear. Yes I broke into
your house, but with good
intentions, intentions on finding
my beloved earrings. You on the
other hand were invited into our
home and then proceeded to take
advantage of two beautiful drunken
females.

TROY

Ma, please--

KAYLA

Troy, I'm sorry but she's a crazy
coffee-drinking kleptomaniac!

TARRIN (O.S.)

Mommy, look what I found.

EVERYONE TURNS TO SEE TARRIN STANDING THERE HOLDING KAYLA'S
EARRINGS. KAYLA TURNS RED.

KAYLA

My ear rings.

(humble)

Okay. Looks like this case is
closed.

CHANETTA

So your son had your earrings all
the time.

KAYLA TAKES THE EARRINGS FROM TARRIN.

KAYLA

I've been looking all over for
these.

TARRIN

I was just playing with them.

KAYLA

Why did you take mommy's earrings?

TARRIN

I didn't take them, I found them
in the trash can.

KAYLA

In the trash can? Why would they
be in the trash?

LYNN

Uh-oh. It appears that bargain
booze does have a few side
effects.

TARRIN

Am I in trouble?

KAYLA

No honey. It was my fault, not
yours.

TARRIN

Okay, bye.

TARRIN EXITS TO HIS ROOM. KAYLA TURNS AROUND EMBARRASSED.

TROY

I don't believe this. You accused
her of stealing. You broke her
home.

CHANETTA

My dog used to be an energetic
vegan, now all he wants to do is
eat meat and sleep.

KAYLA

I am so very sorry Chanetta. I owe
you a big huge enormous apology.
What I did was wrong and
absolutely illegal. Lynn, that's
my best friend over there, and
who's coffee you chugged, tried to
stop me.

LYNN

I did. Oh, and don't worry about
the four-fifty.

KAYLA

Maybe drinking is not so
entertaining after all.

LYNN

(unconvincing)

Right. Right, it's not.

KAYLA

I don't know how I could ever make
this up to you, but I do have a
Starbucks gift card I'm willing to
part with.

KAYLA SMILES, BUT OF COURSE CHANETTA LOOKS VERY UPSET AND
UNFORGIVING.

LYNN

Kay, don't insult her. A smile and
a lousy Starbucks gift card is not
going to fix all this--

CHANETTA

(excited)

How much is on the card?

CHANETTA LAUGHS. THEY ALL JOIN IN.

INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - EVENING (NIGHT 3)

(TROY, KAYLA, LYNN)

KAYLA, LYNN AND TROY ARE HAVING A CONVERSATION.

TROY

So for the record, none of them
were her ex-boyfriends, they're
her brothers. They just have an
unorthodox sibling relationship.

KAYLA

Yuck.

TROY

Doesn't matter, it's over anyway.

LYNN

What do you mean it's over?

TROY

When I took Chanetta home, her
real ex-boyfriend called, he wants
her back.

KAYLA

So, fight for her.

LYNN

Yeah, what happened to chivalry?

TROY

Chivalry is just an old medieval
word used in poems and romance
novels that get good men killed. I
had the privilege of talking to
this lunatic on the phone, and he
scared me pretty good, said he
would do things to me only an ex
or current-con could do. His use
of profanity, vulgarity and
graphic brutality were both
impressive and horrifying.

LYNN

Yeah, Chanetta's not worth
fighting over, she's just another
pretty face, who happens to be
honest and forgiving, with a
fantastic personality.

KAYLA

Yeah, they're a dime a dozen.

AFTER THINKING ABOUT IT FOR A FEW SECONDS, TROY POPS TO HIS
FEET WITH THE HEART OF A LION GLEAMING FROM HIS EYES.

TROY

You're both right. I don't care
who this guy is or what he claims
he can physically do to me. I'm
not letting my girl go without a
fight!

TROY EXITS, SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM.

KAYLA

Wow, I've never seen Troy like
that before.

LYNN

Yeah, looks like chivalry is alive
and--

TROY RETURNS MUCH HUMBLER THAN WHEN HE LEFT.

TROY

Who am I kidding. I'm a good man
who wants to live a long and
fruitful life with all of his
limbs attached and orifices
untouched. So what I don't have
tattoos or muscles, that doesn't
make me any less of a man. Now if
you don't mind, I'm going to my
room to play video games.

TROY EXITS TO HIS ROOM.

KAYLA

I'm so glad he didn't listen to
you with that chivalry mess.

THEY BOTH CHUCKLE.

FADE OUT.
END OF SHOW