Kayla convinces Raydell to look at some new houses, but when their parents find out, they do everything in their power to keep them from moving. Tarrin and family are paid a visit from a very interesting and unwanted individual.
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INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
EVERYBODY IS GATHERED READY TO RECORD.
Alright everybody this is it, our
I want to end this show with a
bang so let's give it all we've
Are we going to have a cast party
No. As you all may know, Troy is
away at college so, we'll just
Kill him off?
Yeah, a piano could fall on his
Or maybe he gets rabies from a
These are both great ideas but we
can't afford a piano or a wild
(sort of teasing)
Leave him alone, he's just a young
bug-eyed kid who doesn't know the
delicate details of the industry
like we do.
Alright watch yourself Felicia,
don't forget, that's my real son
you're talking about.
Yeah I know, but you have to
admit, his eyes are abnormally
Say one more thing about any of my
kids and I'm going to come over
there and knock that stupid bike
helmet off your head.
Oh yeah? You mean like your
daughter's big nose?
Alright that's it!
KAYLA RUSHES OVER AND ATTACKS FELICIA.
FIGHT MUSIC PLAYS
SFX: PUNCHES. SLAPS, BUMPS AND CRASHES ARE HEARD.
Ahh! You'd better let go of my
hair before I slap that retainer
out of your mouth!
Slap me. Go ahead and slap--!
Alright you two break it up!
Yeah, break it up!
Take this Ms. Director!
SFX: GUT PUNCH
A TABLE IS KNOCKED OVER.
Alright come on you little candle
A LAMP IS KNOCKED OVER.
Let her go Kayla! Greco, grab
Get her mom!
Yeah! Flip her!
Everybody stop! Stop! Stop!!
THE FIGHT FINALLY STOPS. QUIET.
You two are raising my blood
pressure up to some very dangerous
levels, and if I die, I'm going to
be extremely pissed. Now are we
gonna record this show or not?
Cause if we're not, I'm gonna go
home and take a nap.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have
attacked you like that. That was
very unprofessional of me. It
won't happen again.
FELICIA AND KAYLA TRY TO GET THEMSELVES TOGETHER - HAIR
Yeah. I'll be alright.
GRECO BEGINS GETTING THE SET & PROPS BACK IN ORDER.
You pack a pretty good punch Kay
Thanks. And you're a lot stronger
than you look.
THEY BOTH CHUCKLE.
Look, I've got some beans on the
stove at home cooking, so why
don't we just shoot this last
episode and forget this ever
Yeah, it is.
Oh one more thing Felicia, stop
googling my husband with your
Believe me, I am not googling him.
What's wrong with me?
The set is back in order. Can we
record the show please?
No wait a minute. What is she
trying to say?
I'm gettin' real sleepy here.
Alright, I'm ready if everybody
else is ready.
Yeah, let's get this over with.
That's a great idea.
Alright, places everybod...
Wait a minute. Where's my helmet.
Who's got my bike helmet?!
It's over there. I'll get it.
GRECO GOES AND PICKS UP THE BIKE HELMET.
Okay just breath. Here you go.
GRECO HANDS FELICIA HER BIKE HELMET. FELICIA TAKES A FEW
DEEP BREATHS TO CALM HERSELF DOWN.
(more at ease)
Thank you Greco. Thank you.
Okay now I'm ready. Greco, light
Home of the Braves.
SFX: CLAP BOARD
"Better homes & Marvin."
INT. RAYDELL AND KAYLA'S BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING (DAY 1)
RAYDELL SITS ON THE BED, GETTING DRESSED. KAYLA ENTERS
FROM THE BATHROOM, BRUSHING HER HAIR.
You know what I dreamed about last
Were you kidnapped by pink
kangaroos who claim to be
intergalactic time travelers?
Were you sky diving out of a plane
with one of those Acme Parachutes?
You know, the kind that Coyote
No. Now will you let me tell you?
Okay, as long as it's not anything
explicit, like you and Boris
Kudjoe playing nude volleyball or
Well in that case, never mind.
Look, I promise I won't get mad.
Now did you dream about Boris
Kudroe again or not? Just tell me.
KAYLA GESTURES - "MAYBE YES, MAYBE NO."
Alright. You want to play rough? I
can play rough. I'm going to sing
the theme from Gandhi until you do
RAYDELL BEGINS IRRITATING CHANT-LIKE SINGING.
Alright! I'll tell you! Just shut
that whining whole of yours.
RAYDELL STOPS SINGING. HE RAISES HIS ARMS IN VICTORY.
I dreamed we moved into a big
beautiful new house.
You and Boris?
No. Me, you and the kids. I think
my dreams are trying to tell me we
should buy a new house.
Wait a minute. Maybe your dreams
are just trying to tell you to
change your evil ways or you'll
end up in "The Big House," not a
Anyway, I thought you learned to
love it here.
I have, but we don't we have to
die here you know.
Of course not, we can die
KAYLA HEADS TO HER PURSE AND TAKES OUT SOME BROCHURES.
That wasn't exactly my first dream
like that. I've been having that
dream for a few weeks now. So much
I even picked up some brochures.
You know I'll probably never get
another movie roll since I botched
that last opportunity with the
body cast thing, so I might be at
Blinkos a lot longer than I
Yeah, but you're going to be up
for a promotion again soon, right?
Plus you're clockin' all those
extra ride-share hours.
Yeah but we barely got into this
house, we wouldn't even have if it
weren't for my father's help.
Yeah and he won't let you forget
it either. That's another reason
to buy our own house, so we can
get from underneath his thumb.
Yeah maybe you're right.
I know I'm right. Here, just look
some of these brochures I picked
KAYLA SPREADS SEVERAL BROCHURES ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF
Look at this one in the middle.
That's my dream house.
Oh yeah? Well dream on.
Come on Ray, you have to admit,
these houses are gorgeous.
Gorgeous is not the word.
Expensive is the word. Very
Come and experience Rolling
Rivers. All of our luxurious
homes include Mediterranean-style
landscapes, spacious walk-in
closets, game room and office. You
have to admit our garage is pretty
tight now, and not in a good way.
Yeah I know. Sharing my man-cave
with your sweet candles and
feminine sweat is not exactly
Get it? Working out.
Yes I get it. Read the rest.
RAYDELL SNEERS AT HER BEFORE READING.
All of these amenities at a modest
Great mother of...! Is that the
price or the agent's phone number?
See. This is exactly why I never
mentioned this before, I knew you
would freak out.
I'm not freaking out... well maybe
I am but--
Here, look. What about Ocean Bay?
Ocean Bay is definitely too
expensive. Look at this lady on
the porch wearing a mink coat. No
way we're getting into that
community without a yaht.
KAYLA IS GETTING FRUSTRATED. SHE HANDS HIM ANOTHER
Alright. What about this one,
Get a load of this family here,
trying to fool us by wearing
Ray, can we at least take a drive
out there? You know, take a look?
Just for the fun of it?
I don't how much fun it would be
with all these creeks, ponds and
streams. They sound so... moist.
Great. Now I have to pee.
Will you at least think about it?
I've thought about it, and I
definitely have to pee.
INT. BRAVE'S KITCHEN - DAY (DAY 1)
(RAY, KAYLA, NADINE, BARRY)
KAYLA IS POURING A CUP OF COFFEE. RAYDELL ENTERS FROM THE
Come on, Ray. You don't even want
to look at the houses?
Nope. I don't think my bladder
would be too happy with that.
Come on. Pretty please.
I... I don't know.
With sugar on it?
Okay okay, if you're going to put
sugar on it. We'll drive out there
and take a look at 'em a little
later. But remember, we're just
RAYDELL PUCKERS UP FOR A KISS BUT KAYLA WALKS AWAY.
Wait, where you going? What
happened to my sugar?
It's in the sugar bowl on the
table where it always is.
RAYDELL LOOKS SAD AND DISAPPOINTED.
Don't play with my emotions woman.
What are you talking about?
Come on, you know what. You lead
me on thinking I was going to get
some sugar, some soft lip lip
sugar, not that hard grainy
processed stuff on the table.
Oh I'm sorry.
Come here and let me give you some
BUT BEFORE THEY CAN KISS, NADINE AND BARRY ENTER.
Hey son, Kay.
What's up, Ma? Berry? You guys
hungry? I can whip up some oatmeal
if you want.
No thanks, I'm stuffed. Nadine
just cooked me up some scrambled
eggs, hash browns and biscuits.
Did you bring me any? Because all
I had was coffee...
Where's those grand-kids of ours?
Lynn came by and took them to the
amusement park early this morning.
Troy went on a... safari.
He'll be back... next year.
That's great, just great.
So what brings you two by so early
in the morning?
We just stopped by to see if you
wanted us to pick you up anything.
We're on our way to the store.
Barry has to buy some anti-itch
medicine for his rash.
They don't have to know what we're
going for. Just say we're going to
You're so cranky in the morning.
BEFORE RAYDELL OR KAYLA REALIZES, NADINE IS AT THE TABLE
LOOKING AT THE BROCHURES.
Hey, what are all these brochures
on the table for?
Ahh... Those are doll houses...
for Davonna. They sure make 'em
look real don't they?
KAYLA GIVES A FAKE CHUCKLE.
Isn't she a little old for dolls?
Not really, you see--
Rolling River? Ocean Bay? Pacific
View? These are real homes. You're
not thinking of moving are you?
Not really sure yet, we're at the
curious stage right now. As a
matter of fact, we're going to
look at some houses today.
I put a lot of time and effort to
help get you into this house, now
you're just going to trash it like
last week's biscuits?
We're just going to look, but
If you move who's going to watch
sports with me? The fights,
I can still drive down here on the
weekends, you know, if we were to
(laying on the
No, it's okay. I guess I can take
up whittling or something. I just
hope I don't mess around and cut
my fingers off. You know my hands
aren't as steady as they used to
Look what you're doing to your
poor father Ray. Why would you
want to move when you already have
a beautiful house?
I had to pull a lot of strings to
get you guys in here. Plus your
kids love it here.
Just look how far these new places
are. You're going to have one heck
of a commute.
Yeah, what if something should
happen to me? By the time you get
here I might already be...
NADINE MOVES HER HANDS AS IF SHE WOULD VANISH INTO THIN
...And I wouldn't want you to feel
guilty for the rest of your life.
Nothing's going to happen to you,
Ma. Your as healthy as a... mother
can be. And that's pretty healthy.
If you move I won't get to see my
grand-kids nearly as much.
NADINE BEGINS TO SOB.
See what you did Ray? You upset
No it's not his fault.
You'd better sit down. Remember
what the doctor told you.
What did the doctor say?
He said that she shouldn't have
any sudden shocks.
Or bad news, because I might...
Might what? What?
I might... you know...
AGAIN, NADINE MOTIONS WITH HER HANDS AS IF SHE WOULD VANISH
INTO THIN AIR.
What's with all this hand waving?
Are you trying to tell us you'll
NADINE BEGINS TO CRY AGAIN. BARRY CONSOLES HER.
Come on Nadine, we better go so
you can lay down.
Don't forget to elevate my feet.
Do you want me to go with you?
Sweet baby sunshine! Don't you
think you've done enough, Raydell?
I don't want them worry about this
old woman. My time is almost up,
but yours is just beginning. Now
you two have some house shopping
NADINE AND BARRY EXIT.
My God what have we done?
She's fine Ray. It's all just an
act to get us to stay. She wasn't
sick until she saw the brochures
on the table and thought we were
moving away, then all of a sudden
she wants to be wheeled into ER.
I'm sorry Ray, but I'm not buying
Yeah maybe you're right. They're
just trying to manipulate us.
Man, your mother really put on a
show, all that coughing and
And your father was the best
supporting male actor. Whittling?
Both performances were very
moving, but I feel their timing
was a bit off.
My father and your mother the
You did just say thespians, right?
...Yes, that's what I said.
INT. BARRY'S KITCHEN - AFTERNOON (DAY 1)
(RAY, KAYLA, NADINE, BARRY)
BARRY IS SITTING AT THE TABLE EATING A SANDWICH WHILE
NADINE PACES, KEEPING A CLOSE EYE ON THE CLOCK.
How long does it take?
Just relax will you?
RAYDELL AND KAYLA ENTER IN A RUSH.
(in a panic)
What happened?! What's wrong with
Twenty-eight minutes, that's too
long. I could have been dead and
buried by now. You guys moving is
definitely a bad idea.
You mean you're not sick?
Oh she's sick alright. I can't
believe we came speeding all the
way back here for nothing.
It was for something, it was a
test run, and I'm sorry to say you
Ray was speeding so fast he nearly
gave me a heart attack. Not to
mention what he did to that poor
You hit a raccoon?
No. Yes. I'm not sure... I barely
Did you at least get out of the
car and poke him with a stick?
No, I did not get out of the car
and poke him with a stick. But
feel free to drive out there and
treat him for shock if you like.
He shouldn't have been walking in
the middle of the road in the
first place! The road is for cars
It's okay Ray. It's over.
You saw him, he looked right at me
but he still wouldn't move. He was
challenging me, I had to get him!
And you grazed him good too Honey.
Dog-gone right I did.
So did you guys find a new house
No, we saw a few, but--
Great great. You're better off
where you are anyway.
We still haven't made up our minds
yet, but we're definitely going to
look at some houses tomorrow.
Believe me it's not worth the
trouble. The houses they're making
these days aren't worth crap on a
cracker. Did you know that the
word "escrow" comes from a Latin
word that means confuse you with
as much paperwork as possible so
that you don't know what the hell
I knew that word sounded a little
too funny to be American.
If you guys move, who's going to
watch the kids when you want to go
They're old enough to watch
Oh no, I feel a little dizzy.
Everything is getting blurry
Uh-oh, I was afraid of this, phase
two - Blindness.
Blindness? You're going blind?!
Who said that? Kay? Where are you?
No that was me?
Come on Ma.
Help me elevate her feet Ray.
Here we go. I gotcha.
Bless you both. Why do you guys
want to change things anyway?
What's wrong with the way it is
right now? I don't want to have to
drive half-way across the city
just to visit.
Yeah, it's dangerous out there.
There's a lot of people that
shouldn't even have a driver's
license. You've got your speeders,
your raccoon killers--
I know this is hard on you guys,
it's hard on us too. But all this
extra pressure is not helping.
We'll talk to you guys later. Come
INT. RAYDELL AND KAYLA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT 1)
RAYDELL PUTS ON HIS PAJAMAS WHILE KAYLA APPLIES HER FACE
AND HAND CREAM.
This was some day, Huh?
Yeah. I've thought about this
moving thing some more and... I
hate to bust your bubble but I
really don't think we're going to
be able to afford a new house on
I'm pretty sure I can get a few
more hours at the jewelry store.
And we'll just have to cut back on
a few things we don't need.
Like what, food, water and
Yeah, you're right. I guess my
eyes are bigger than our bank
What did you just say?
I said, I guess my eyes are bigger
No. No. Before that.
What? We'll just have to cut back
on a few things?
No. That's too far back. After
that, but before your big eyes.
I don't remember.
Well I do. You said I was right.
That means you were wrong.
No it doesn't.
I know it's virtually and maybe
even physically impossible for the
actual words, "I was wrong" to
come out of your mouth, but can I
at least hear you say I was right
one more time?
I'm not going to say... that, just
so you can get a cheap thrill.
It's not that you don't want to,
it's because you can't.
KAYLA GIVES HIM A HARSH LOOK.
KAYLA CLINCHES HER TEETH TRYING TO MUSTER UP THE ENERGY.
You were right.
Now are you happy?
Yes I am. Happier than Will
Clinton at a wet T-shirt contest.
Wait a minute. This is a trick
KAYLA JUST THROWS HER HANDS UP IN FRUSTRATION.
This is definitely a trick.
Because you never admit when I'm
What do you mean, never? This is
your first time.
INT. RAYDELL AND KAYLA'S KITCHEN - MORNING (DAY 2)
RAYDELL IS MAKING BREAKFAST. KAYLA ENTERS.
So you mean to tell me, that all
these years we've been married,
this is the first time I've ever
That right there makes two times.
Why are you still brooding over
Because I know I've been right
before, I just can't remember
Oh you know what? I remember one
When you married me.
Can't argue with that.
You'd better not.
SFX: TELEPHONE RING
I'll get it.
RAYDELL ANSWERS THE PHONE.
Hello?... Hey Nadine. What's
up?... You're inviting us over
for dinner tonight?...
KAYLA IS VERY DRAMATIC AS SHE TRIES TO MOTION "NO" TO
RAYDELL, BUT HE LOOKS CONFUSED.
...Sounds good... Alright we'll be
there... Okay see you then.
RAYDELL HANGS UP.
Why did you tell her yes? Didn't
you see me over here waving at
you, telling you "no?"
That was a "no?"
Yes. What did you think I was
It looked like you were dancing.
Who do you know that dances like
KAYLA EMULATES WEIRD DANCE MOVEMENTS.
KAYLA TAKES A DEEP SIGH OF FRUSTRATION.
Luie Callihan. We used to work
together. He always wore these
tight shoes that were two sizes
too small because people used to
tease him about his big clown-like
Feet. They used to call him Long
I don't care about your little
circus co-worker, okay. And I
don't want to go to my mother's
house for dinner tonight either.
Because it's a trick.
INT. NADINE'S KITCHEN - EVENING (NIGHT 2)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA, NADINE, BARRY)
THE TABLE IS LOADED WITH ALL KINDS OF FOOD. TURKEY, MASHED
POTATOES, VEGETABLES, ETC. BARRY SITS AT THE TABLE WITH
FORK IN HAND, READY TO EAT. NADINE IS PUTTING THE NAPKINS
Wow what a spread ma.
Thanks. I'm not sure how I even
did it with my eye sight fading
and all. I guess a mother's love
allows you to--
Except those nagging coughs.
Have a seat. Let's eat.
KAYLA AND RAYDELL SIT AT THE TABLE. NADINE SITS ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF RAYDELL. THEY BEGIN TO SERVE THEMSELVES.
We really appreciate this Nadine,
but you didn't have go through all
This is a forgive me dinner. When
we found out you wanted to move,
we shouldn't have butted in. You
two are grown adults, you don't
need our permission to move.
Well we sure appreciate this.
We sure do.
See, and you didn't want to come.
What was that?
oh... nothing. I said...
...and Lew didn't want to come.
Who's Lew? And who the hell
invited him anyway?
Isn't that your friend with the
That's him. Long feet Luie.
Well anyway. You two can do
whatever you like. No more
pressure from me.
You're doing it again, Nadine
You know what I'm talking about.
You not sick and you're not dying,
but you're killing me. I'll have
nothing more to do with this
What he's trying to say is--
We know what you're trying to do
Ma, but in a weird kind of twisted
way, it's okay. You guys went
through a lot of trouble just to
try and make us stay, and I have
to admit, it feels good to know
that we're wanted.
Yeah, it actually does.
Great, great. Can we eat now?
Dig in everybody.
INT. BRAVE'S KITCHEN - LATER THAT NIGHT (NIGHT 2)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA, DAVONNA, TARRIN, LYNN)
RAYDELL AND KAYLA SIT AT THE TABLE DRINKING COFFEE.
This was some crazy weekend, huh?
So what did you really think about
those new houses?
They looked great on the outside
but none of them had any yard. A
narrow strip of imitation turf is
not cuttin' it. I don't care how
green it is.
And they were built so close
together I could reach out the
kitchen window and borrow a cup of
You know, this is actually a
pretty good house Ray.
Yes it is. Maybe we will die here.
DAVONNA, TARRIN AND LYNN ENTER.
So how was the amusement park?
It was great! I rode the Galactic
Bomb-sled three times! And they
had this free-fall space drop, oh
my gosh, scared the living life
out of me. Then they had this 3-D
Lynn, Lynn, we were talking to the
It was fun!
Yeah. We rode just about every
ride they had.
Twice! Even got stuck on one of
'em for an hour.
Wow, sorry we missed out on that.
We really appreciate you taking
the kids out like that.
Thanks Ms. Lynn.
Yeah, thanks Ms. Lynn.
No problem. I had just as much fun
as they did.
So we heard.
SUDDENLY AN UNIDENTIFIED ANIMAL FLIES IN THROUGH THE
CHIMNEY. EVERYBODY'S SCARED AS THEY SCREAM, YELL AND
Ahhh!! What is that?!
WE HEAR WINGS FLAPPING AS IT CIRCLES THE ROOM.
I don't know! Just stay behind me!
THIS STRANGE THING CAN BE HEARD FLYING AROUND AT A HIGH
RATE OF SPEED.
Everybody get behind me!
Somebody kill that thing!
What is that thing?!
THE UNKNOWN CREATURE FINALLY FLIES EXITS THE SAME WAY IT
It's gone! It just flew back up
(still in shock)
That was the weirdest thing I've
ever seen in my life.
Oh wait a minute, that was you.
I have to admit, that was some
darn good special effects Felicia.
I wasn't sure how to ad-lib on
Yeah, that was not in the script.
I thought we didn't have money for
any special effects.
So... wait a minute, are you
saying you had nothing to do with
that six legged, two horned thing
Yes. I have no idea where that
thing came from.
But I got it all on tape!
You're joking, right?
No, I never stopped recording.
Do you realize we may have just
recorded an actual... alien?!
We're all going to be rich!
ALL THE ADULTS CHEER IN EXCITEMENT. THE CREATURE RETURNS.
Look! It's back!
I'm rolling I'm rolling!
THE CREATURE COMES IN CREATING JUST AS MUCH FEAR AS BEFORE,
AS EVERYBODY YELLS, DUCKS AND TRIES TO DEFEND THEMSELVES.
Do something Ray!
Yeah hit him Dad!
WE HEAR AIR-SWINGS, RAYDELL CONTINUES TO MISS THE EVADING
I'm trying, but it's too fast.
Just don't let it spit acid in
And watch out, it may have laser
RAYDELL CONTINUES TO SWING AT THE CREATURE.
This is beautiful.
Just make sure that thing doesn't
spit acid on me Greco.
Try not to go out of frame Ray.
If I only had my baseball bat.
I saw it in the living room. I'll
Tarrin no! Come back!
TOO LATE. TARRIN IS RUNNING INTO THE LIVING ROOM. THE
CREATURE FLIES BEHIND HIM.
Watch out Tarrin, it's right
Oh my God! Tarrin!
THEY ALL GO RUSHING INTO THE LIVING ROOM. THERE THEY SEE
TARRIN WITH THE CREATURE SITTING ON HIS SHOULDER.
Oh my God. It's sitting on his
Don't move son.
Are you okay baby? Did it bite
you? Did it spit acid on you?
No, but what should I do?
Kill it! Somebody kill it before
it's too late!
No! He might hit Tarrin.
...Right... I-I-I wasn't going to-
GRECO RUSHES OVER AND BEGINS FILMING THE CREATURE CLOSER.
We've got to get it away from
DAVONNA BEGINS MAKING LOUD SILLY NOISES, TRYING TO SCARE
THE CREATURE AWAY FROM TARRIN. THE REST OF THE FAMILY AND
CREW JOIN IN.
Stop! Stop! You're scaring it.
EVERYBODY STOPS MAKING NOISES.
It's sinking it's claws into my
Oh my God, are you okay?
Yeah, I think so.
Greco! Get a close up before it
kills the boy.
Nobody make any sudden moves.
What does that thing want?
WE CAN HEAR THE CREATURE SPEAKING IN IT'S OWN LANGUAGE.
Oh my God, it's trying to crawl
into his ear!
No. It's talking to me.
THE CREATURE CHATTERS IN IT'S OWN LANGUAGE.
He says his name is Marvin. He's
from the planet, Epitagalion.
You can understand that thing?
...Yeah. Somehow... I can.
What else did it say?
He says he's not here to harm
anyone, but he needs my help.
Help for What?
I'm not sure, but he says...
WITHOUT WARNING, TARRIN AND THE CREATURE VANISH. EVERYONE
PANICS. KAYLA SCREAMS.
Where'd he go?!
He just disappeared!
Where's my baby?!
Please tell me you got that on
END OF SHOW