Kayla convinces Raydell to look at some new houses, but when their parents find out, they do everything in their power to keep them from moving. Tarrin and family are paid a visit from a very interesting and unwanted individual.
This is the post roll (outro) for each episode.
Kayla convinces Raydell to look at some new houses, but when their parents find out, they do everything in their power to keep them from moving. Tarrin and family are paid a visit from a very interesting and unwanted individual.
This is the post roll (outro) for each episode.
FADE IN:
INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
EVERYBODY IS GATHERED READY TO RECORD.
FELICIA
Alright everybody this is it, our
season finale!
EVERYBODY CHEERS.
FELICIA (cont'd)
I want to end this show with a
bang so let's give it all we've
got.
DAVONNA
Are we going to have a cast party
or something?
FELICIA
No. As you all may know, Troy is
away at college so, we'll just
have to--
TARRIN
Kill him off?
DAVONNA
(excited)
Yeah, a piano could fall on his
head.
TARRIN
(excited)
Or maybe he gets rabies from a
wild wolf.
FELICIA
These are both great ideas but we
can't afford a piano or a wild
wolf.
GRECO
(sort of teasing)
Yeah Tarrin.
FELICIA
Leave him alone, he's just a young
bug-eyed kid who doesn't know the
delicate details of the industry
like we do.
KAYLA
(upset)
Alright watch yourself Felicia,
don't forget, that's my real son
you're talking about.
FELICIA
Yeah I know, but you have to
admit, his eyes are abnormally
big.
KAYLA
(upset)
Say one more thing about any of my
kids and I'm going to come over
there and knock that stupid bike
helmet off your head.
FELICIA
(offended)
Oh yeah? You mean like your
daughter's big nose?
KAYLA
Alright that's it!
KAYLA RUSHES OVER AND ATTACKS FELICIA.
FIGHT MUSIC PLAYS
SFX: PUNCHES. SLAPS, BUMPS AND CRASHES ARE HEARD.
FELICIA
Ahh! You'd better let go of my
hair before I slap that retainer
out of your mouth!
KAYLA
(dare)
Slap me. Go ahead and slap--!
SFX: SLAP
KAYLA (cont'd)
(in pain)
Ahh!!
RAYDELL
Alright you two break it up!
GRECO
Yeah, break it up!
KAYLA
Take this Ms. Director!
SFX: GUT PUNCH
FELICIA
(in pain)
Ahh!!
A TABLE IS KNOCKED OVER.
FELICIA (cont'd)
(aggressively at
Kayla)
Alright come on you little candle
making...!
A LAMP IS KNOCKED OVER.
RAYDELL
Let her go Kayla! Greco, grab
Felicia!
GRECO
I'm trying!
DAVONNA
Get her mom!
NADINE
Yeah! Flip her!
BARRY
Everybody stop! Stop! Stop!!
THE FIGHT FINALLY STOPS. QUIET.
BARRY (cont'd)
You two are raising my blood
pressure up to some very dangerous
levels, and if I die, I'm going to
be extremely pissed. Now are we
gonna record this show or not?
Cause if we're not, I'm gonna go
home and take a nap.
FELICIA
(to Kayla)
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have
attacked you like that. That was
very unprofessional of me. It
won't happen again.
KAYLA
Apology accepted.
FELICIA AND KAYLA TRY TO GET THEMSELVES TOGETHER - HAIR
CLOTHES, ETC.
RAYDELL
(to Kayla)
You okay?
KAYLA
Yeah. I'll be alright.
GRECO BEGINS GETTING THE SET & PROPS BACK IN ORDER.
FELICIA
(calm/jokingly)
You pack a pretty good punch Kay
Kay.
KAYLA
(calm/jokingly)
Thanks. And you're a lot stronger
than you look.
THEY BOTH CHUCKLE.
NADINE
Look, I've got some beans on the
stove at home cooking, so why
don't we just shoot this last
episode and forget this ever
happened.
FELICIA
(calmer)
Good idea.
KAYLA
(calm)
Yeah, it is.
(beat)
Oh one more thing Felicia, stop
googling my husband with your
googly eyes.
FELICIA
(chuckles)
Believe me, I am not googling him.
RAYDELL
(offended)
What's wrong with me?
GRECO
The set is back in order. Can we
record the show please?
RAYDELL
(offended)
No wait a minute. What is she
trying to say?
BARRY
I'm gettin' real sleepy here.
FELICIA
Alright, I'm ready if everybody
else is ready.
GRECO
Yeah, let's get this over with.
NADINE
That's a great idea.
TARRIN
I'm ready.
DAVONNA
Me too.
FELICIA
Alright, places everybod...
(hard breathing
panic)
Wait a minute. Where's my helmet.
Who's got my bike helmet?!
GRECO
It's over there. I'll get it.
GRECO GOES AND PICKS UP THE BIKE HELMET.
GRECO (cont'd)
(calming)
Okay just breath. Here you go.
GRECO HANDS FELICIA HER BIKE HELMET. FELICIA TAKES A FEW
DEEP BREATHS TO CALM HERSELF DOWN.
FELICIA
(more at ease)
Thank you Greco. Thank you.
(to cast)
Okay now I'm ready. Greco, light
it up!
GRECO
Home of the Braves.
SFX: CLAP BOARD
GRECO (cont'd)
"Better homes & Marvin."
FELICIA
And... action.
-----------------------------------------------------------
FADE IN:
INT. RAYDELL AND KAYLA'S BEDROOM - EARLY MORNING (DAY 1)
(RAY, KAYLA)
RAYDELL SITS ON THE BED, GETTING DRESSED. KAYLA ENTERS
FROM THE BATHROOM, BRUSHING HER HAIR.
KAYLA
You know what I dreamed about last
night?
RAYDELL
Were you kidnapped by pink
kangaroos who claim to be
intergalactic time travelers?
KAYLA
No.
RAYDELL
Were you sky diving out of a plane
with one of those Acme Parachutes?
You know, the kind that Coyote
always uses?
KAYLA
No. Now will you let me tell you?
RAYDELL
Okay, as long as it's not anything
explicit, like you and Boris
Kudjoe playing nude volleyball or
something.
KAYLA
Well in that case, never mind.
RAYDELL
(jealous)
Look, I promise I won't get mad.
Now did you dream about Boris
Kudroe again or not? Just tell me.
KAYLA GESTURES - "MAYBE YES, MAYBE NO."
KAYLA
...Ummm.
RAYDELL
Alright. You want to play rough? I
can play rough. I'm going to sing
the theme from Gandhi until you do
tell me.
RAYDELL BEGINS IRRITATING CHANT-LIKE SINGING.
KAYLA
Alright! I'll tell you! Just shut
that whining whole of yours.
RAYDELL STOPS SINGING. HE RAISES HIS ARMS IN VICTORY.
KAYLA (cont'd)
I dreamed we moved into a big
beautiful new house.
RAYDELL
You and Boris?
KAYLA
No. Me, you and the kids. I think
my dreams are trying to tell me we
should buy a new house.
RAYDELL
Wait a minute. Maybe your dreams
are just trying to tell you to
change your evil ways or you'll
end up in "The Big House," not a
big house.
(Beat)
Anyway, I thought you learned to
love it here.
KAYLA
I have, but we don't we have to
die here you know.
RAYDELL
Of course not, we can die
practically anywhere.
KAYLA HEADS TO HER PURSE AND TAKES OUT SOME BROCHURES.
KAYLA
That wasn't exactly my first dream
like that. I've been having that
dream for a few weeks now. So much
I even picked up some brochures.
RAYDELL
You know I'll probably never get
another movie roll since I botched
that last opportunity with the
body cast thing, so I might be at
Blinkos a lot longer than I
thought.
KAYLA
Yeah, but you're going to be up
for a promotion again soon, right?
Plus you're clockin' all those
extra ride-share hours.
RAYDELL
Yeah but we barely got into this
house, we wouldn't even have if it
weren't for my father's help.
KAYLA
Yeah and he won't let you forget
it either. That's another reason
to buy our own house, so we can
get from underneath his thumb.
RAYDELL
Yeah maybe you're right.
KAYLA
I know I'm right. Here, just look
some of these brochures I picked
up.
KAYLA SPREADS SEVERAL BROCHURES ON THE TABLE IN FRONT OF
RAYDELL.
KAYLA (cont'd)
(Re: brochure)
Look at this one in the middle.
That's my dream house.
RAYDELL
Oh yeah? Well dream on.
KAYLA
Come on Ray, you have to admit,
these houses are gorgeous.
RAYDELL
Gorgeous is not the word.
Expensive is the word. Very
expensive.
KAYLA
Just listen.
(reading)
Come and experience Rolling
Rivers. All of our luxurious
homes include Mediterranean-style
landscapes, spacious walk-in
closets, game room and office. You
have to admit our garage is pretty
tight now, and not in a good way.
RAYDELL
Yeah I know. Sharing my man-cave
with your sweet candles and
feminine sweat is not exactly
working out.
(chuckles)
Get it? Working out.
KAYLA
Yes I get it. Read the rest.
RAYDELL SNEERS AT HER BEFORE READING.
RAYDELL
(reading)
All of these amenities at a modest
price.
(shocked)
Great mother of...! Is that the
price or the agent's phone number?
KAYLA
See. This is exactly why I never
mentioned this before, I knew you
would freak out.
RAYDELL
I'm not freaking out... well maybe
I am but--
KAYLA
Here, look. What about Ocean Bay?
RAYDELL
Ocean Bay is definitely too
expensive. Look at this lady on
the porch wearing a mink coat. No
way we're getting into that
community without a yaht.
KAYLA IS GETTING FRUSTRATED. SHE HANDS HIM ANOTHER
BROCHURE.
KAYLA
Alright. What about this one,
Pacific View?
RAYDELL
Get a load of this family here,
trying to fool us by wearing
normal clothes.
KAYLA
Ray, can we at least take a drive
out there? You know, take a look?
Just for the fun of it?
RAYDELL
I don't how much fun it would be
with all these creeks, ponds and
streams. They sound so... moist.
(sour face)
Great. Now I have to pee.
KAYLA
Will you at least think about it?
RAYDELL
I've thought about it, and I
definitely have to pee.
INT. BRAVE'S KITCHEN - DAY (DAY 1)
(RAY, KAYLA, NADINE, BARRY)
KAYLA IS POURING A CUP OF COFFEE. RAYDELL ENTERS FROM THE
BATHROOM.
KAYLA
Come on, Ray. You don't even want
to look at the houses?
RAYDELL
Nope. I don't think my bladder
would be too happy with that.
KAYLA
(flirting)
Come on. Pretty please.
RAYDELL
(breaking down)
I... I don't know.
KAYLA
(heavy flirting)
With sugar on it?
RAYDELL
Okay okay, if you're going to put
sugar on it. We'll drive out there
and take a look at 'em a little
later. But remember, we're just
looking.
KAYLA
(excited)
Thanks Ray.
RAYDELL PUCKERS UP FOR A KISS BUT KAYLA WALKS AWAY.
RAYDELL
Wait, where you going? What
happened to my sugar?
KAYLA
It's in the sugar bowl on the
table where it always is.
RAYDELL LOOKS SAD AND DISAPPOINTED.
RAYDELL
Don't play with my emotions woman.
KAYLA
What are you talking about?
RAYDELL
Come on, you know what. You lead
me on thinking I was going to get
some sugar, some soft lip lip
sugar, not that hard grainy
processed stuff on the table.
KAYLA
Oh I'm sorry.
(Baby talk)
Come here and let me give you some
soft lip-sugar.
BUT BEFORE THEY CAN KISS, NADINE AND BARRY ENTER.
NADINE
Good morning.
BARRY
Hey son, Kay.
KAYLA
What's up, Ma? Berry? You guys
hungry? I can whip up some oatmeal
if you want.
BARRY
No thanks, I'm stuffed. Nadine
just cooked me up some scrambled
eggs, hash browns and biscuits.
RAYDELL
Did you bring me any? Because all
I had was coffee...
(disappointment)
...No sugar.
BARRY
Where's those grand-kids of ours?
KAYLA
Lynn came by and took them to the
amusement park early this morning.
RAYDELL
(unsure)
Troy went on a... safari.
KAYLA
He'll be back... next year.
BARRY
That's great, just great.
RAYDELL
So what brings you two by so early
in the morning?
NADINE
We just stopped by to see if you
wanted us to pick you up anything.
We're on our way to the store.
Barry has to buy some anti-itch
medicine for his rash.
BARRY
They don't have to know what we're
going for. Just say we're going to
the store.
NADINE
You're so cranky in the morning.
BEFORE RAYDELL OR KAYLA REALIZES, NADINE IS AT THE TABLE
LOOKING AT THE BROCHURES.
NADINE (cont'd)
Hey, what are all these brochures
on the table for?
KAYLA
(thinks quick)
Ahh... Those are doll houses...
for Davonna. They sure make 'em
look real don't they?
KAYLA GIVES A FAKE CHUCKLE.
NADINE
Isn't she a little old for dolls?
KAYLA
Not really, you see--
NADINE
(reading
brochures)
Rolling River? Ocean Bay? Pacific
View? These are real homes. You're
not thinking of moving are you?
KAYLA
Not really sure yet, we're at the
curious stage right now. As a
matter of fact, we're going to
look at some houses today.
BARRY
I put a lot of time and effort to
help get you into this house, now
you're just going to trash it like
last week's biscuits?
RAYDELL
We're just going to look, but
anything's possible.
BARRY
If you move who's going to watch
sports with me? The fights,
football?
RAYDELL
I can still drive down here on the
weekends, you know, if we were to
actually move.
BARRY
(laying on the
guilt)
No, it's okay. I guess I can take
up whittling or something. I just
hope I don't mess around and cut
my fingers off. You know my hands
aren't as steady as they used to
be.
NADINE
Look what you're doing to your
poor father Ray. Why would you
want to move when you already have
a beautiful house?
BARRY
I had to pull a lot of strings to
get you guys in here. Plus your
kids love it here.
(Re: brochures)
Just look how far these new places
are. You're going to have one heck
of a commute.
NADINE
Yeah, what if something should
happen to me? By the time you get
here I might already be...
NADINE MOVES HER HANDS AS IF SHE WOULD VANISH INTO THIN
AIR.
NADINE (cont'd)
...And I wouldn't want you to feel
guilty for the rest of your life.
KAYLA
Nothing's going to happen to you,
Ma. Your as healthy as a... mother
can be. And that's pretty healthy.
NADINE
If you move I won't get to see my
grand-kids nearly as much.
NADINE BEGINS TO SOB.
BARRY
(to Raydell)
See what you did Ray? You upset
your mother-in-law.
NADINE
No it's not his fault.
BARRY
You'd better sit down. Remember
what the doctor told you.
RAYDELL
(concerned)
What did the doctor say?
BARRY
He said that she shouldn't have
any sudden shocks.
NADINE
Or bad news, because I might...
RAYDELL
(really
concerned)
Might what? What?
NADINE
I might... you know...
AGAIN, NADINE MOTIONS WITH HER HANDS AS IF SHE WOULD VANISH
INTO THIN AIR.
KAYLA
(little concern)
What's with all this hand waving?
Are you trying to tell us you'll
explode?
NADINE BEGINS TO CRY AGAIN. BARRY CONSOLES HER.
BARRY
Come on Nadine, we better go so
you can lay down.
NADINE
Don't forget to elevate my feet.
RAYDELL
Do you want me to go with you?
BARRY
Sweet baby sunshine! Don't you
think you've done enough, Raydell?
NADINE
(weak)
I don't want them worry about this
old woman. My time is almost up,
but yours is just beginning. Now
go on,
(fake cough)
you two have some house shopping
to do.
NADINE AND BARRY EXIT.
RAYDELL
(concerned)
My God what have we done?
KAYLA
She's fine Ray. It's all just an
act to get us to stay. She wasn't
sick until she saw the brochures
on the table and thought we were
moving away, then all of a sudden
she wants to be wheeled into ER.
I'm sorry Ray, but I'm not buying
it.
RAYDELL
Yeah maybe you're right. They're
just trying to manipulate us.
(relieved)
Man, your mother really put on a
show, all that coughing and
waving.
KAYLA
And your father was the best
supporting male actor. Whittling?
THEY CHUCKLE.
KAYLA (cont'd)
(imitating a
movie critic)
Both performances were very
moving, but I feel their timing
was a bit off.
THEY CHUCKLE.
RAYDELL
My father and your mother the
lesbians.
KAYLA
What?
RAYDELL
What?
KAYLA
You did just say thespians, right?
RAYDELL
(embarrassed)
...Yes, that's what I said.
INT. BARRY'S KITCHEN - AFTERNOON (DAY 1)
(RAY, KAYLA, NADINE, BARRY)
BARRY IS SITTING AT THE TABLE EATING A SANDWICH WHILE
NADINE PACES, KEEPING A CLOSE EYE ON THE CLOCK.
NADINE
How long does it take?
BARRY
Just relax will you?
RAYDELL AND KAYLA ENTER IN A RUSH.
KAYLA
(in a panic)
What happened?! What's wrong with
Mom?!
NADINE
(looking at
clock)
Twenty-eight minutes, that's too
long. I could have been dead and
buried by now. You guys moving is
definitely a bad idea.
RAYDELL
You mean you're not sick?
KAYLA
Oh she's sick alright. I can't
believe we came speeding all the
way back here for nothing.
NADINE
It was for something, it was a
test run, and I'm sorry to say you
guys failed.
KAYLA
Ray was speeding so fast he nearly
gave me a heart attack. Not to
mention what he did to that poor
raccoon.
BARRY
You hit a raccoon?
RAYDELL
(confused)
No. Yes. I'm not sure... I barely
grazed it.
BARRY
Did you at least get out of the
car and poke him with a stick?
RAYDELL
No, I did not get out of the car
and poke him with a stick. But
feel free to drive out there and
treat him for shock if you like.
(getting worked
up)
He shouldn't have been walking in
the middle of the road in the
first place! The road is for cars
not rodents!
KAYLA
(calming)
It's okay Ray. It's over.
RAYDELL
(to Kayla)
You saw him, he looked right at me
but he still wouldn't move. He was
challenging me, I had to get him!
KAYLA
And you grazed him good too Honey.
RAYDELL
Dog-gone right I did.
BARRY
So did you guys find a new house
you liked?
KAYLA
No, we saw a few, but--
BARRY
Great great. You're better off
where you are anyway.
KAYLA
We still haven't made up our minds
yet, but we're definitely going to
look at some houses tomorrow.
BARRY
Believe me it's not worth the
trouble. The houses they're making
these days aren't worth crap on a
cracker. Did you know that the
word "escrow" comes from a Latin
word that means confuse you with
as much paperwork as possible so
that you don't know what the hell
you're signing?
RAYDELL
I knew that word sounded a little
too funny to be American.
NADINE
If you guys move, who's going to
watch the kids when you want to go
out?
KAYLA
They're old enough to watch
themselves now.
NADINE
Oh no, I feel a little dizzy.
Everything is getting blurry
again.
BARRY
Uh-oh, I was afraid of this, phase
two - Blindness.
RAYDELL
Blindness? You're going blind?!
NADINE
(reaching out
blindly)
Who said that? Kay? Where are you?
RAYDELL
No that was me?
KAYLA
(not convinced)
Come on Ma.
BARRY
Help me elevate her feet Ray.
RAYDELL
Here we go. I gotcha.
NADINE
Thank you.
(fake cough)
Bless you both. Why do you guys
want to change things anyway?
What's wrong with the way it is
right now? I don't want to have to
drive half-way across the city
just to visit.
BARRY
Yeah, it's dangerous out there.
There's a lot of people that
shouldn't even have a driver's
license. You've got your speeders,
your raccoon killers--
KAYLA
I know this is hard on you guys,
it's hard on us too. But all this
extra pressure is not helping.
We'll talk to you guys later. Come
on Ray.
INT. RAYDELL AND KAYLA'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (NIGHT 1)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA)
RAYDELL PUTS ON HIS PAJAMAS WHILE KAYLA APPLIES HER FACE
AND HAND CREAM.
KAYLA
This was some day, Huh?
RAYDELL
Yeah. I've thought about this
moving thing some more and... I
hate to bust your bubble but I
really don't think we're going to
be able to afford a new house on
our income.
KAYLA
I'm pretty sure I can get a few
more hours at the jewelry store.
And we'll just have to cut back on
a few things we don't need.
RAYDELL
Like what, food, water and
electricity?
KAYLA
Yeah, you're right. I guess my
eyes are bigger than our bank
account.
RAYDELL
What did you just say?
KAYLA
I said, I guess my eyes are bigger
than our--
RAYDELL
No. No. Before that.
KAYLA
What? We'll just have to cut back
on a few things?
RAYDELL
No. That's too far back. After
that, but before your big eyes.
KAYLA
I don't remember.
RAYDELL
Well I do. You said I was right.
That means you were wrong.
KAYLA
No it doesn't.
RAYDELL
I know it's virtually and maybe
even physically impossible for the
actual words, "I was wrong" to
come out of your mouth, but can I
at least hear you say I was right
one more time?
KAYLA
I'm not going to say... that, just
so you can get a cheap thrill.
RAYDELL
It's not that you don't want to,
it's because you can't.
KAYLA GIVES HIM A HARSH LOOK.
KAYLA
Oh yeah?
RAYDELL
Yeah.
KAYLA CLINCHES HER TEETH TRYING TO MUSTER UP THE ENERGY.
KAYLA
(low volume)
You were right.
(normal volume)
Now are you happy?
RAYDELL
Yes I am. Happier than Will
Clinton at a wet T-shirt contest.
Wait a minute. This is a trick
isn't it?
KAYLA JUST THROWS HER HANDS UP IN FRUSTRATION.
RAYDELL (cont'd)
This is definitely a trick.
Because you never admit when I'm
right.
KAYLA
What do you mean, never? This is
your first time.
INT. RAYDELL AND KAYLA'S KITCHEN - MORNING (DAY 2)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA)
RAYDELL IS MAKING BREAKFAST. KAYLA ENTERS.
RAYDELL
So you mean to tell me, that all
these years we've been married,
this is the first time I've ever
been right?
KAYLA
Correct.
RAYDELL
That right there makes two times.
KAYLA
Why are you still brooding over
that?
RAYDELL
Because I know I've been right
before, I just can't remember
when.
KAYLA
Oh you know what? I remember one
other time.
RAYDELL
(excited)
When?! When?!
KAYLA
When you married me.
RAYDELL
Can't argue with that.
KAYLA
You'd better not.
SFX: TELEPHONE RING
RAYDELL
I'll get it.
RAYDELL ANSWERS THE PHONE.
RAYDELL (cont'd)
(into phone)
Hello?... Hey Nadine. What's
up?... You're inviting us over
for dinner tonight?...
KAYLA IS VERY DRAMATIC AS SHE TRIES TO MOTION "NO" TO
RAYDELL, BUT HE LOOKS CONFUSED.
RAYDELL (cont'd)
(into phone)
Six O'clock?...
(unsure)
...Sounds good... Alright we'll be
there... Okay see you then.
RAYDELL HANGS UP.
KAYLA
Why did you tell her yes? Didn't
you see me over here waving at
you, telling you "no?"
RAYDELL
That was a "no?"
KAYLA
Yes. What did you think I was
doing?
RAYDELL
It looked like you were dancing.
KAYLA
Who do you know that dances like
this?
KAYLA EMULATES WEIRD DANCE MOVEMENTS.
RAYDELL
Luie Callihan.
KAYLA
Who?
KAYLA TAKES A DEEP SIGH OF FRUSTRATION.
RAYDELL
Luie Callihan. We used to work
together. He always wore these
tight shoes that were two sizes
too small because people used to
tease him about his big clown-like
Feet. They used to call him Long
Feet Luie.
KAYLA
I don't care about your little
circus co-worker, okay. And I
don't want to go to my mother's
house for dinner tonight either.
RAYDELL
Why not?
KAYLA
Because it's a trick.
INT. NADINE'S KITCHEN - EVENING (NIGHT 2)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA, NADINE, BARRY)
THE TABLE IS LOADED WITH ALL KINDS OF FOOD. TURKEY, MASHED
POTATOES, VEGETABLES, ETC. BARRY SITS AT THE TABLE WITH
FORK IN HAND, READY TO EAT. NADINE IS PUTTING THE NAPKINS
OUT.
KAYLA
Wow what a spread ma.
NADINE
Thanks. I'm not sure how I even
did it with my eye sight fading
and all. I guess a mother's love
allows you to--
(fake cough)
...overcome anything.
KAYLA
(mumbles to
herself)
Except those nagging coughs.
BARRY
Have a seat. Let's eat.
KAYLA AND RAYDELL SIT AT THE TABLE. NADINE SITS ON THE
OTHER SIDE OF RAYDELL. THEY BEGIN TO SERVE THEMSELVES.
RAYDELL
We really appreciate this Nadine,
but you didn't have go through all
this trouble.
NADINE
This is a forgive me dinner. When
we found out you wanted to move,
we shouldn't have butted in. You
two are grown adults, you don't
need our permission to move.
KAYLA
Well we sure appreciate this.
RAYDELL
We sure do.
(to Kayla)
See, and you didn't want to come.
NADINE
What was that?
RAYDELL
oh... nothing. I said...
(covering)
...and Lew didn't want to come.
BARRY
Who's Lew? And who the hell
invited him anyway?
NADINE
Isn't that your friend with the
tight shoes?
KAYLA
That's him. Long feet Luie.
NADINE
Well anyway. You two can do
whatever you like. No more
(fake cough)
pressure from me.
BARRY
You're doing it again, Nadine
NADINE
Doing what?
BARRY
You know what I'm talking about.
You not sick and you're not dying,
but you're killing me. I'll have
nothing more to do with this
charade.
NADINE
(fumbling with
words)
What he's trying to say is--
KAYLA
We know what you're trying to do
Ma, but in a weird kind of twisted
way, it's okay. You guys went
through a lot of trouble just to
try and make us stay, and I have
to admit, it feels good to know
that we're wanted.
RAYDELL
Yeah, it actually does.
BARRY
Great, great. Can we eat now?
NADINE
(up-beat)
Dig in everybody.
INT. BRAVE'S KITCHEN - LATER THAT NIGHT (NIGHT 2)
(RAYDELL, KAYLA, DAVONNA, TARRIN, LYNN)
RAYDELL AND KAYLA SIT AT THE TABLE DRINKING COFFEE.
KAYLA
This was some crazy weekend, huh?
RAYDELL
Yeah, crazy.
KAYLA
So what did you really think about
those new houses?
RAYDELL
They looked great on the outside
but none of them had any yard. A
narrow strip of imitation turf is
not cuttin' it. I don't care how
green it is.
KAYLA
And they were built so close
together I could reach out the
kitchen window and borrow a cup of
sugar.
THEY CHUCKLE.
KAYLA (cont'd)
You know, this is actually a
pretty good house Ray.
RAYDELL
Yes it is. Maybe we will die here.
DAVONNA, TARRIN AND LYNN ENTER.
LYNN
We're back.
RAYDELL
So how was the amusement park?
LYNN
(excited)
It was great! I rode the Galactic
Bomb-sled three times! And they
had this free-fall space drop, oh
my gosh, scared the living life
out of me. Then they had this 3-D
light show--
KAYLA
Lynn, Lynn, we were talking to the
kids.
LYNN
Oh. right.
TARRIN
It was fun!
DAVONNA
Yeah. We rode just about every
ride they had.
TARRIN
Twice! Even got stuck on one of
'em for an hour.
RAYDELL
(sarcasm)
Wow, sorry we missed out on that.
KAYLA
We really appreciate you taking
the kids out like that.
DAVONNA
Thanks Ms. Lynn.
TARRIN
Yeah, thanks Ms. Lynn.
LYNN
No problem. I had just as much fun
as they did.
KAYLA
So we heard.
SUDDENLY AN UNIDENTIFIED ANIMAL FLIES IN THROUGH THE
CHIMNEY. EVERYBODY'S SCARED AS THEY SCREAM, YELL AND
DODGE.
KAYLA (cont'd)
Ahhh!! What is that?!
WE HEAR WINGS FLAPPING AS IT CIRCLES THE ROOM.
RAYDELL
I don't know! Just stay behind me!
THIS STRANGE THING CAN BE HEARD FLYING AROUND AT A HIGH
RATE OF SPEED.
DAVONNA
Dad!
LYNN
Watch out!
RAYDELL
Everybody get behind me!
LYNN
Somebody kill that thing!
TARRIN
What is that thing?!
LYNN
Kill it!
THE UNKNOWN CREATURE FINALLY FLIES EXITS THE SAME WAY IT
CAME IN.
DAVONNA
It's gone! It just flew back up
the chimney!
KAYLA
Thank God.
LYNN
(still in shock)
That was the weirdest thing I've
ever seen in my life.
KAYLA
Me too.
RAYDELL
(relieved)
Oh wait a minute, that was you.
(chuckles)
I have to admit, that was some
darn good special effects Felicia.
I wasn't sure how to ad-lib on
that one.
FELICIA
(shaken)
...Ahhh--
KAYLA
(light relief)
Yeah, that was not in the script.
DAVONNA
(light relief)
I thought we didn't have money for
any special effects.
FELICIA
(shaken)
We don't.
LYNN
(befuddled)
So... wait a minute, are you
saying you had nothing to do with
that six legged, two horned thing
with wings?
FELICIA
Yes. I have no idea where that
thing came from.
GRECO
(semi-scared)
Me either.
(suddenly happy)
But I got it all on tape!
TARRIN
You're joking, right?
GRECO
No, I never stopped recording.
FELICIA
Do you realize we may have just
recorded an actual... alien?!
We're all going to be rich!
ALL THE ADULTS CHEER IN EXCITEMENT. THE CREATURE RETURNS.
DAVONNA
Look! It's back!
FELICIA
Greco!
GRECO
(excitement)
I'm rolling I'm rolling!
THE CREATURE COMES IN CREATING JUST AS MUCH FEAR AS BEFORE,
AS EVERYBODY YELLS, DUCKS AND TRIES TO DEFEND THEMSELVES.
KAYLA
Do something Ray!
DAVONNA
Yeah hit him Dad!
WE HEAR AIR-SWINGS, RAYDELL CONTINUES TO MISS THE EVADING
TARGET.
RAYDELL
I'm trying, but it's too fast.
LYNN
Just don't let it spit acid in
your face!
RAYDELL
(scared)
Acid?!
TARRIN
And watch out, it may have laser
eyes!
RAYDELL
(scared)
Laser eyes?!
RAYDELL CONTINUES TO SWING AT THE CREATURE.
FELICIA
(to herself)
This is beautiful.
(to Greco)
Just make sure that thing doesn't
spit acid on me Greco.
GRECO
Yes ma'am.
(yells to
Raydell)
Try not to go out of frame Ray.
RAYDELL
If I only had my baseball bat.
TARRIN
I saw it in the living room. I'll
get it.
KAYLA
Tarrin no! Come back!
TOO LATE. TARRIN IS RUNNING INTO THE LIVING ROOM. THE
CREATURE FLIES BEHIND HIM.
DAVONNA
Watch out Tarrin, it's right
behind you!
TARRIN
Ahhh!
RAYDELL
Tarrin!
KAYLA
Oh my God! Tarrin!
THEY ALL GO RUSHING INTO THE LIVING ROOM. THERE THEY SEE
TARRIN WITH THE CREATURE SITTING ON HIS SHOULDER.
LYNN
(amazed)
Oh my God. It's sitting on his
shoulder.
RAYDELL
Don't move son.
KAYLA
(panic)
Are you okay baby? Did it bite
you? Did it spit acid on you?
TARRIN
(frozen panic)
No, but what should I do?
FELICIA
Kill it! Somebody kill it before
it's too late!
KAYLA
No! He might hit Tarrin.
RAYDELL
(changing his
mind)
...Right... I-I-I wasn't going to-
GRECO RUSHES OVER AND BEGINS FILMING THE CREATURE CLOSER.
DAVONNA
We've got to get it away from
Tarrin.
DAVONNA BEGINS MAKING LOUD SILLY NOISES, TRYING TO SCARE
THE CREATURE AWAY FROM TARRIN. THE REST OF THE FAMILY AND
CREW JOIN IN.
TARRIN
(panic)
Stop! Stop! You're scaring it.
EVERYBODY STOPS MAKING NOISES.
(in pain)
It's sinking it's claws into my
shoulder.
KAYLA
Oh my God, are you okay?
TARRIN
(in pain)
Yeah, I think so.
FELICIA
Greco! Get a close up before it
kills the boy.
RAYDELL
Nobody make any sudden moves.
LYNN
What does that thing want?
WE CAN HEAR THE CREATURE SPEAKING IN IT'S OWN LANGUAGE.
LYNN (cont'd)
Oh my God, it's trying to crawl
into his ear!
TARRIN
No. It's talking to me.
THE CREATURE CHATTERS IN IT'S OWN LANGUAGE.
TARRIN (cont'd)
He says his name is Marvin. He's
from the planet, Epitagalion.
DAVONNA
You can understand that thing?
TARRIN
...Yeah. Somehow... I can.
KAYLA
What else did it say?
TARRIN
He says he's not here to harm
anyone, but he needs my help.
KAYLA
Help for What?
TARRIN
I'm not sure, but he says...
WITHOUT WARNING, TARRIN AND THE CREATURE VANISH. EVERYONE
PANICS. KAYLA SCREAMS.
KAYLA
Where'd he go?!
RAYDELL
He just disappeared!
LYNN
That's impossible.
KAYLA
Where's my baby?!
EVERYONE
(helpless)
Tarrin!
FELICIA
(serious)
My God.
(low volume)
Please tell me you got that on
tape Greco.
FADE OUT.
END OF SHOW