Dad (Raydell) and his car gets hit by a celebrity, now he wants to take her to the bank.
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INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
CAST AND CREW ARE GETTING READY TO RECORD ANOTHER EPISODE.
Good morning! Good morning! Good
Good morning. Good morning Mrs. De
La Puente'. 'Morning Felicia.
As you know, we have a guest
appearance today, Tancy Bernard,
she will be playing the--
She's not here yet.
Oh my gosh, I'm going to have an
conniption! Where is she?!
I'm not sure. We've been
rehearsing online all week so
maybe she thinks we're recording
That's one of your jobs, Greco, to
make sure she doesn't think such
crazy things! Now Find her! Call
I'm on it.
Never mind. We're going to start
without her, and if she's not here
by the time her part comes up. You
will read it.
Yes you Greco. You were a child
actor in the nineties, right?
Not a very good one, but I was a
But Tancy's a female and I don't
Relax, you let me worry about
Okay, places everybody--
Ah, before we begin, I'd like to
hand out their contracts.
And why didn't you hand those out
Well go, go! Hand them out.
Here you go everybody. As
GRECO HANDS OUT THE FORMS TO EVERYBODY.
Is this a contract or a release
This is hand-written.
Yes, I know. We don't have a
lawyer, plus my laptop is in the
shop, so I drew them up myself.
...Ah, well, it's...
I can barely read it.
What's this word? Bitter...?
Binding... I think. What page is
You know what? I have an idea. Why
don't everyone put their contracts
down, and read them tonight, after
we record this episode!
Right. Good idea.
Alright Greco, light it up!
Home of the Braves. "Crash &
SFX: CLAP BOARD
THEME MUSIC PLAYS
INT. BRAVE'S GARAGE - DAY (DAY 1)
DAVONNA IS HELPING HER MOTHER MAKE CANDLES.
So what fragrance are you making
Same as before. Eucalyptus, honey
and Myrrh. I want to perfect this
one before I try anything else.
This new house may be kind of
small, but at least this is a nice
Yeah, big enough for my candle
making and my weights. I can't
"weight" to get my business going.
Get it? Weight?
Yeah I got it, Ma. And if your
candle- making doesn't take off,
you can still do security
It's going to take off, now shut
up and hand me that soy wax.
SFX: DOOR BELL
You want me to get the door first?
No. Give me the soy wax, then open
Here ya go.
DAVONNA EXITS THE GARAGE.
INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY 1)
DAVONNA HEADS FOR THE FRONT DOOR.
SFX: DOOR BELL
I'm coming, I'm coming.
DAVONNA OPENS THE FRONT DOOR.
RAYDELL ENTERS IN A MOTORIZED WHEELCHAIR AND NECK BRACE.
Mom! Come in here!
KAYLA RUSHES INTO THE LIVING ROOM FROM THE GARAGE.
What?! What happened?--
Raydell! What in the world
happened to you?!
I was involved in a near-fatal car
accident. This wheelchair and neck
brace are the only things keeping
Why didn't you call me?!
I didn't want you to go into a
panic. You know how over-dramatic
you can be sometimes.
That's ridiculous. Your eyes look
dilated. Can you move your legs?
Are you hemorrhaging anywhere?
(yells to kids)
Troy! Tarrin! Come in here!
Whoever hit you is going to pay
and pay dearly! Was it Galacia?!
No, Galacia is still in love with
me, she would never physically
harm me. You maybe, but not me.
RAYDELL IS ROLLING AROUND IN HIS WHEELCHAIR CRASHING INTO
THINGS, TRYING TO GET THE HANG OF IT. TROY AND TARRIN
Dad?! What happened?
Your father was in a car accident.
Do you know who hit you or was it
a hit and run?
Somebody high on meth I bet.
For your information it was a
So they were on meth.
Just remember, it's not how you
get injured, it's who injures you.
Now I want you guys to guess who
it was. Think big.
No-no-no. Don't think physically
big, think A-List celebrity big.
Wait, hold on, everybody just
stop. All of you guys are way off.
Come on, you know this person, or
you should know her if you call
So it's a female?
Good morning Brownwood! I'm glad
someone's paying attention. But
let me give you another hint--
Raydell, the kids have a ton of
homework and I have to go work
out, so please just tell us.
Yeah, just tell us, Dad.
Alright, keep your shirts and
skirts on, I'll tell you. Anybody
ever heard of Farina Williams?
EVERYBODY'S MOUTH DROPS.
You mean the tennis player, Farina
That's exactly who I mean.
Is she okay? Was she injured?
She's fine, but my jugular's not
as stable as it once was.
I wonder what she's doing in
She said she was visiting some
You actually talked to her?
Yes, when she actually hit me, we
actually talked to one another.
Exchanged numbers and everything.
You have Farina William's phone
number? On you right now?
Why don't you guys come see for
RAYDELL TAKES HIS CELL PHONE OUT AND SHOWS IT TO THE ENTIRE
What does that look like?
Wow. I've seen her play on TV but
that's the first time I've ever
seen her actual phone number.
Do you realize Farina Williams has
won three Wimbledon titles and was
the first African-American to win
the Australian Open championship?
Wow, I wonder how much she's
Wait a minute Daddy. I happen to
be a huge fan of Farina, so please
don't try to take advantage of
In case you haven't noticed, your
father's a dead man on wheels
SFX: DOOR BELL
I'll get it.
TROY OPENS THE DOOR.
Hey Mr. Tang.
Hey Troy. Is your father home?
Yeah, come on in.
Raydell. What happened to you?
Farina Williams hit him.
Why? What did you say to her?
With her car, Vito. It was an
You got Grand Slammed by Farina
Yep, and when a Bentley hits you,
you can bet your grand momma's
sweet buttered biscuits you're
gonna feel it.
Ahhh. I think my ribs are
INT. BRAVE'S GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER (DAY 1)
RAYDELL AND VITO SIT IN THE GARAGE.
So why'd you want to come out here
in the garage?
Because your wife would probably
disagree with my plan.
Okay, everybody dreams of a moment
like this, but you are actually
living it. Getting rear-ended by
Farina Williams is the equivalent
of slipping and breaking your neck
in a high-end jewelry store. So
first you take her to the bank,
and then on the way back, you take
her to the cleaners. Get it, bank,
cleaners, is that clever or what?
No, but I get where you're coming
Well how about a little more
excitement. You don't seem to
realize the position you're in,
the power you now possess.
So what's your plan?
I'm not so sure I want a plan.
Are you kidding me? This is the
opportunity of a lifetime. Believe
me when I say Mrs. Williams does
not want to go to jail or ruin her
career over this, therefore she's
willing to do anything to keep you
happy as a freshly groomed
Teletuby. Ms. Williams is now your
celebrity puppet. Be ruthless, be
merciless, and you shall be
I do have a lot of credit cards
with high interest rates I'd like
to get paid off.
We all do. How about your kids?
Are they set for college?
No, but we're working on it.
That's the beauty of having major
injuries, you won't have to work
anymore. Your gravy train has
arrived, right in your driveway!
I don't know.
Raydell, sometimes you have to
step on people's necks to get
Maybe I should drop it and --
And what? Continue running off
colored copies for total
strangers? Faxing foreign
documents across the country?
Continue to wait on that big
acting gig that may never come?
Okay, what do you suggest I do?
I suggest you call her. Call her
now and demand that she give you
something, something small to
start with just to see if she's
willing to play ball, but at the
same time letting her know you're
in control and won't roll over
like some kind of circus bear.
Teletubies? Circus bears? What are
you, evolving backwards?
Never mind, just make the call.
Alright alright, I'll do it.
RAYDELL MAKES THE CALL USING HIS CELL PHONE.
Hello Farina?... Yes, it's
Raydell Brave, from the car
accident. How are you?...
Don't forget, you are the
...Good, good... Me?
No I'm not feeling too well, not
well at all. I'm at home in bed as
we speak... Yeah, it's pretty
serious, my ankles are swollen and
I get wheezy whenever I urinate.
That was quite a horrific
accident... Well it was horrific
to me, I'm sure the tabloids and
the police would agree with me on
that... Why yes, as a matter of
fact there is something you may be
able to do for me...
INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY (DAY 1)
RAYDELL ROLLS IN FROM THE GARAGE FOLLOWED BY VITO.
Hey everybody. I just got off the
phone with my good friend Farina,
and guess what? She's buying us a
new flat screen TV!
KAYLA, TROY AND TARRIN CHEER. DAVONNA DOES NOT.
And all I ask from you, my dear
family, is that you be patient and
allow two to three hours for
EVERYBODY BUT DAVONNA CHEERS.
I'll be in the garage if anybody
needs to hug or congratulate me.
INT. BRAVE'S GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER (DAY 1)
Daddy. Are you sure you're not
faking your injuries?
Guaca bladursio mkellp.
I can't understand what you're
saying with that oxygen mask on.
RAYDELL TAKES HIS OXYGEN MASK OFF.
I said, does it look like I'm
faking? What makes you even ask me
a question like that?
I can see your wheelchair marks
where you were doing donuts in
Those were happy donuts, Davonna.
Happy my injuries aren't more
serious than they are.
Believe me, what I'm going through
right now is no vacation.
Did you threaten to sue her to get
No. I simply made a strong
suggestion, and she concurred.
Why do you keep looking at me like
that? Is it a crime for me to want
to share my future wealth with my
family? The people that matter the
most to me?
Okay. Just promise me, no more
gifts from her.
That, I cannot promise, cupcake.
INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY (DAY 2)
EVERYONE IS WORKING.
Where's your daddy?
I don't know.
Me either. I haven't seen him all
I thought he was too crippled to
Yeah, that's what I thought.
THE FRONT DOOR OPENS. VITO ROLLS RAYDELL IN WEARING A NEW
SUIT, SCARF AND SUNGLASSES.
(on top of the
Good afternoon everyone. I'm home!
Where have you been? And where'd
you get that suit? That scarf?
And those sunglasses?
Vito took me out to do a bit of
Yes, I've been driving him around
all morning and all I got was this
How you gonna shop when we've got
cell phone bills and a car note
Got you those new shoes you've
been looking at.
RAYDELL HANDS KAYLA A BAG. SHE OPENS IT.
Oh my gosh. They're beautiful.
Thank you baby.
KAYLA GIVES RAYDELL A KISS.
I do feel a little guilty for
coming back so late though. I had
no idea it would take so long
getting fitted for an Armani suit.
Picking out that new "Bolagari"
watch was no easy task either.
Farina Williams bought you a
That's right. It's indeed a very
TROY MAKES HIS WAY TOWARDS RAYDELL.
Man that's lit. Farina really
knows how to treat her accident
A very fine woman...
...on the inside. On the outside?
I'm proud of you Dad. Life gave
you sour milk and you made yogurt.
The shoes are wonderful, but
something just doesn't feel right.
You can exchange them for a bigger
No. I mean, the way you're getting
these gifts, it's starting to feel
a little uncomfortable to me.
I believe Ms. Williams has a lot
of guilt weighing on her soul, and
she's doing the best she can, the
best she knows how to lift that
guilt. I also believe this
accident happened to me for a
reason. Farina's a plain rich
superstar and I'm a handsome man
with a mediocre job. I don't plan
on working at Blinkos for the rest
of my life. And when this is all
said and done, maybe I won't have
I wonder if a Bentley is asking
for too much.
INT. GARAGE - MOMENTS LATER - (DAY 2)
RAYDELL SITS IN HIS WHEELCHAIR ADMIRING HIS NEW STUFF.
VITO RUBS HIS HANDS TOGETHER IN EXCITEMENT.
Man, this garage is filling up
Yeah. It's like I have my own
private Santa Clause.
So what do you think? You know,
what we talked about earlier?
No Vito, I will not give you three
hundred thousand dollars to invest
in nude river boat cruises.
Fine, how about two hundred thou
and a matching Bolagari? We could
be like the Wonder Twins, only
with very expensive watches. Form
No, and I don't appreciate you
trying to cash in on my pain and
In case you forgot, I'm the one
who talked you into making that
first call to Farina, remember? So
how can you eliminate me from this
Okay Vito, you drive a hard
bargain. You can have that Bow
flex over there.
I don't want a Bow-flex.
Okay, how about this bass guitar?
BAD BASS PLAYING RIFF
They told me it used to belong to
Raydell. You know I'm a harp-man.
Now it sounds like you're just
Suddenly I'm beginning to doubt
you've suffered any real pain at
As a matter of fact, I think
you're about as wounded as I am,
and I feel fantastic! Good bye,
SFX: DOOR SLAMS
What's his problem?
INT. BRAVE'S LIVING ROOM - MORNING (DAY 3)
RAYDELL IS LOOKING OVER SOME OF HIS NEW TOYS.
What are you doing now?
Just checking out my new stuff.
You got more stuff? How'd you even
get out the house? I thought Vito
was mad at you?
Who needs him when everybody
delivers? Got you and the kids a
Hey kids, come in here! I got you
Okay, now I'm getting a little
Worried about what?
About everything, like your
friendship with Vito.
First of all, I didn't kick Vito
out yesterday. He left, on his
own. I offered him some very nice
gifts, but apparently they weren't
shiny enough for him.
Well you've got a garage full of
new stuff and you're still
acquiring newer stuff. It's so
crowded in there I can hardly get
to my weights or work on my
What's up Dad?
Got you all new laptops!
Why are you still in that
Why wouldn't I be?
So you're still claiming to be
Yes, but at the same time I feel
good. And if I could feel my legs
I would probably be dancing right
You kids go on up to your rooms. I
need to talk to your father.
Okay. Thanks for the laptop, Dad!
THE KIDS EXIT.
You know you can go to jail if you
get caught, right?
Get caught doing what? Being
happy? Making my family happy?
Just stop, okay? Just stop. If you
go to jail, where does that leave
us? Me without a husband and our
kids without a father.
I'm not going to jail, but I do
have to tell you something.
Farina is in love with me.
No, seriously, what did you have
to tell me?
I'm serious. She's crazy about me.
I find that hard to believe.
Exactly what did she say?
Well, she didn't verbally say she
was in love with me, but she's
saying it with gifts. I just hope
Shawna doesn't find out, or this
could get ugly real fast.
She's already ugly. And she better
stop calling over here. I can get
crazy too you know.
Yes, I know.
What do you mean you know?
KAYLA ANSWERS THE FRONT DOOR.
I'll get it.
KAYLA OPENS THE FRONT DOOR.
Hi Kayla, is Raydell here?
Yeah he's here. Come on in.
I'll be in the garage working out.
So Mr. Vito. Change your mind on
No. That's not why I came over.
Well I'm still glad you did.
Because I owe you a big apology.
I'm going to by you that matching
SFX: GYM WEIGHTS COMING FROM THE GARAGE.
I don't want it anymore. I don't
want anything except for you to
stop this whole extortion thing.
It's not right and I regret ever
anointing you as the Puppet
I happen to like that title. I'm
getting pretty good at stepping on
necks too, look at all this stuff
I've acquired. Cigars, rare comic
books, even a Jerry Lewis box set.
Raydell, you are my friend, but I
gave you bad advice. I don't want
to see you go to jail.
So what are you telling me? You
want one of my jet skis?
I'll get it.
DAVONNA OPENS THE FRONT DOOR.
Okay, I'll tell him.
SOON DAVONNA HEADS OVER TO RAYDELL.
There's someone here to see you.
It's not the cops is it?
Hide me. Help me hide all this
No. It's a Mrs. Bernard. Says
she's from Mrs. Williams' office.
Oh. Oh yeah. Send her in.
I'll talk to you later, Raydell.
And I'll be in my room working on
DAVONNA AND VITO LEAVE AS A PROFESSIONAL-LOOKING WOMAN
ENTERS WITH A BRIEFCASE IN EACH HAND. THIS IS TANCY
Hello Mr. Brave?
Hoj gli vous.
I'm sorry. I can't understand you
with that oxygen mask on.
RAYDELL REMOVES HIS OXYGEN MASK.
I'm sorry. Who are you?
I'm Tancy Bernard. I'm here to
talk to you about the car accident
you and Mrs. Williams were
involved in. We had a two o'clock
appointment today, remember?
Right. Glad you were able to come
Bernard. Tancy Bernard.
Right. I'm sorry. My memory and
eye sight flees me from time to
time. The impact from that
horrific accident must have
affected my optic glands.
I just need to get some
information from you if you don't
Of course. Why don't we go into
the dining room where we have more
RAYDELL LEADS THE WAY INTO THE DINING ROOM.
INT. DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS (DAY 3)
RAYDELL PARKS HIS WHEELCHAIR NEXT TO THE TABLE.
Please, have a seat Mrs. Bernard.
You can set your briefcases down
Thank you. So you're an actor?
Yes. Well not full-time, but...
Have you've seen me on screen?
I've done a waffle commercial and
a pet poop PSA.
I'm afraid not.
Well that was back in the
nineties. As you can see, I'm
pretty selective about the rolls I
So I see.
But I'm pretty sure I'll be the
lead for the new Dark Thunder
movie. Already had a couple
auditions. Just waiting on that
final phone call.
I hope that works out for you.
Now, shall we get down to
Yes, of course. I guess you're
going to need my bank name,
Oh never mind, I see you brought
This briefcase contains video
equipment. Our company policy
requires us to record all claim
meetings. You don't mind, do you?
Not at all. Actually I'm
TANCY TAKES OUT A VIDEO CAMERA AND SETS IT UP ON A TRIPOD.
TANCY HITS THE RECORD BUTTON THEN SITS DOWN.
Okay, we are now recording.
SFX: GYM WEIGHTS COMING FROM THE GARAGE.
Do you hear that noise?
That's just my wife working out in
the garage. She was a semi-pro
body builder before we moved here.
Oh. Maybe I should meet her.
No. Once she starts her routine,
she doesn't stop.
Okay. So how are you feeling
today, Mr. Brave?
Not so good. I get the shakes and
I sweat profusely just watching
car commercials. And my bowels go
ballistic whenever I hear a Gary
I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm living through a living hell
as we speak. I know it's hard to
tell, but that's only because I'd
rather smile than show the
excruciating physical and
psychological pain I'm feeling
within, something I endure
constantly day in and day out.
I took a look at your car parked
in the driveway. I did notice some
damage, but it looks relatively
Believe me, if dents could talk,
they would speak volumes to us.
But hey, we're not here to talk
about dents, we're here to talk
Do you have any medical bills or
receipts to verify your health
care expenses, Mr. Brave?
I do... not.
Mrs. Williams says you insisted
that she buy you things, things
like expensive suits, flashy
watches, even a cigar collection.
Not sure where you're getting your
information from but--
I'm looking at it right now. Along
with a room-full of other unopened
merchandise. What you're doing is
called extortion, Mr. Brave.
Wait a minute now. I happen to
know that extortion is a crime in
Brownwood, and when it comes to
breaking laws of any kind, I
always turn the other cheek.
Mr. Brave, I really need--
I really need to take my pain
injection shot in a few minutes,
so can we just jump to the
I'm only be asking for six mill.
You want us to give you six
Yes. I believe six million dollars
is a fair amount for my pain,
suffering and lack of lost wages.
Okay Mr. Brave. We don't like long
drawn-out court cases, nor the
negative publicity that comes with
it. This other briefcase is for
TANCY HANDS RAYDELL THE BRIEFCASE.
Well thank you Ms. Bernard. I'm so
glad we could come to an
Just push those two latches
Okay. Like this?
RAYDELL OPENS THE BRIEFCASE.
RAYDELL JUMPS OUT THE WHEELCHAIR AND ON TO THE TABLE.
What is that thing?!
Wow, looks like you're cured.
Okay, I know what you're thinking,
how can a man in such pain and
trauma jump up on a table with the
agility of a high school teenager?
Well let me tell you, when you see
a hungry Komoto dragon sizing you
up, your reflexes take over,
superseding your physical and
mental abilities, A.K.A. survival
mode. In survival mode you're able
to do amazing things, things you
You're right, and anyone watching
this video wouldn't believe it
either, Mr. Brave. This is what we
call, our rubber iguana in the
Yes. We're proud to say it has a
ninety-five percent success rate.
We call him Chiro. (Chiropractor)
TANCY PUTS THE IGUANA BACK INTO HER BRIEFCASE.
Okay three million. I'll settle
I'm giving you a check Mr. Brave.
I'm fine with that.
TANCY HANDS THE CHECK TO RAYDELL THEN PACKS UP HER THINGS.
Yes! I am now the three million
Wait. Fifty dollars?
This ends our meeting Mr. Brave.
I advise you to take the offer. If
you refuse, Mrs. William's lawyers
will get involved, and believe me,
when they get through with you,
you'll wish extortion was never
invented. Good day Mr. Brave. I'll
see myself out.
RAYDELL LOOKS CONFUSED AND DISAPPOINTED AS TANCY EXITS.
Can I cash this today?
INT. GARAGE - LATER - (DAY 2)
RAYDELL IS BUSY TRYING TO PUT HIS GIFTS BACK INTO THEIR
ORIGINAL PACKAGES. DAVONNA ENTERS.
Hey Dad. What are you doing out of
your wheelchair? Where's your neck
brace and your oxygen mask?
That so-called lady that came by
earlier was from Mrs. Williams'
office. She was a professional
chiropractor in disguise. Healed
me real quick.
That's great. So I see you're
packing up all you stuff.
Yep. Promised your mamma I'd take
everything back to the stores.
I'll give you a hand.
Thanks. You know I should have
listened to you in the first
place. But I was too stupid, too
greedy and too stubborn. I had no
right doing what I did to Ms.
Williams. But my biggest regret is
setting a bad example for you and
DAVONNA HUGS HIM.
Why are you hugging me?
Because you're my daddy and I love
you, and we need you.
Trust me. I'll do better, cupcake.
I know Daddy.
THE DOOR OPENS, IN WALKS KAYLA, TROY, TARRIN AND VITO.
What are you guys doing here?
We all came to help.
Yeah. This is too much stuff for
one man to pack up.
Somebody hand me the shipping
Thanks kids. Hey Vito. Man, I owe
you a huge apology.
Yes you do. And you an start with
a big fat burger and fries.
You got it.
Enough talking. Let's get this
stuff packed up and shipped out.
END OF SHOW